I don't think that's the lesson here at all. [ Wu tries to say it gently, but it comes out with more of a bite. ] I don't know why you're blaming yourself for this? If someone chose to hurt you, that isn't your fault. If it was a random act, like Raleigh says you told him, then it's not your fault.
Be all stubborn and self-effacing as you want, Mako, that doesn't change the fact that this happened to you. It's awful, and I don't want you to have to do it alone. I know you have a lot of friends here, and maybe they're better friends to you than I am, but if you need me, or even if you want me, I'm here and I'll listen or, or I'll just watch stupid videos with you or something.
I guess what I'm saying is that I love you and I care about you, and this seems like a really big thing that you specifically avoided telling me. [ And maybe that hurts a little? But Wu tries not to let Mako's words, or lack thereof hurt him. Sometimes (rarely) he succeeds ]
I am learning how to fight, thank you very much. A fine young knight named Fern said he would teach me.
He takes it in, quiet, focusing on his own (slightly rasping) breath and the earnestness in Wu's words. That he wants to be there, for some reason. That he wants to help. Mako can't think of why: it was explicitly Mako's job to help Wu for three years, not the other way around. What Wu wants out of this—why he's offering, what he's getting—Mako can't fathom. Maybe it will come to him later.
I love you, he says, has said before, a few times, and Mako gets a little bit stuck on the words every time. Wu is the kind of person, he thinks, who just says them. He's effusive, and he shares things about himself with no thoughts, half the time. It's like Bolin, I love you tripping off his lips without a care.
Mako shouldn't get stuck on them like this, but he does. He always does.
His throat, oddly, is a bit tight by the time he tries to speak. He has to clear it, staring at the ground between his own knees, frowning to himself with the Fluid pressed to his ear. ]
I didn't want to tell anyone.
[ He hadn't meant to say that, really, but there it is. Mako makes a frustrated little sound, lifting his head to glare at the wall, instead. ] Are you at your house? I don't want to—I hate these things. Sometimes.
Yeah, I'm here. You want to come over? [ That might be harder, but if Mako wants that, Wu isn't going to tell him no. ] I even got a fire built and everything. [ It just took him about an hour to do it. ]
[ He pushes himself up in a rustle of clothes and fabric, groaning a bit. Like a grandpa. He really, really can't wait to be over this sickness. The Fluid switches off a moment later.
It takes him a little while, and his head is a strange combination of repeating Wu's words over and over again and otherwise empty as he walks over, crunching across the snow to knock on Wu's door. Wu wants to watch stupid videos. Wu wishes Mako had told him that he was murdered.
He doesn't get it, but they're clearly not done talking, and Wu probably won't leave it alone until Mako tells him more about it, so. ]
[ Wu may or may not have been sitting on the stairs in the foyer, waiting for him. He's reading something on his Fluid, but jerks up the second he hears the knock.
He trots over and pulls open the door with a small smile. ] Mako! Hey, buddy. How are you doing?
Exactly the same as when I stopped talking to you two minutes ago.
[ Mako hesitates for a second before stepping forward, out of the cold. He definitely looks better. Not best, but better. Better, at least, than when Wu first woke up.
And he isn't entirely sure of the etiquette here. He's in Wu's house, but they're not at the small-talk phase, and they were kind of in the middle of a conversation before Mako interrupted it to come over here.
He pauses, and then says, shutting the door. ] Like I said. It wasn't just you. I didn't want to tell anyone.
Right. [ Wu laughs awkwardly. He takes a step back and waves for Mako to follow him in the sitting room by the foyer. That's where Wu managed to build a fire. ]
Okay. That... that's not really better. But why didn't you want to tell anyone?
[ Mako cuts himself off with a frustrated noise, especially since the fire in the room he just walked into flared up as soon as he walked into it. Nope. Control those emotions. He can't let that keep happening. ]
It is better. It wasn't like I specifically didn't tell you, I just. Didn't think it was relevant, or important, and I wasn't about to broadcast to everybody that I was basically a sitting gooseduck.
[ Wu yelps at the flare of the fire, jumping back toward Mako. ] Oookay. Maybe we don't go near the fire. We can go to one of the other, colder rooms.
[ He turns on his heel and walks the other way out of the sitting room ] Everyone seems to have found out anyway. They're a nosy bunch, aren't they?
[ He lets out a breath, and turns around to look at Mako, walking backwards ] It just seems like a key piece of information, and it's not like I'm going to threaten you, Mako! As you love reminding me, I'm completely incapable of hurting anyone.
[ Mako's cheeks are burning. Slightly from fever and slightly from embarrassment: the last time he lost control like that, in such a tiny way, was when he first got here, when his bending was barely his own.
He's supposed to be better than this, and it stings, watching Wu flinch and retreat.
Still. He follows, mute for a moment, turning the words over in his head. ]
Very nosy, and I don't see why everyone's so torn up about it. It happened. Them bringing me soup and asking how I feel isn't going to change the fact that it happened.
[ Wu's shoulders are so thin. The thought comes out of nowhere, and disappears a moment later, leaving Mako frowning at him as he walks. ] I don't think you're a threat, but you have to see that it's stupid to just let everyone know how weak you are. These symptoms are public knowledge. It'd be easy to take advantage of.
A lot of people seem to know you're sick anyway. [ Wu points out with a frown. He watches Mako's face as he flips on the lights in yet another sitting room, this one noticeably colder, and drops down onto a couch. ]
You can't change the fact that it happened, but you must have some sort of feeling about it, right? You're not the emotionless automaton you like to pretend you are. I've seen you have emotions, Mako. Everyone has them! I know if I had been murdered and came back to life, I would be pretty torn up about it. I was from when I was kidnapped, and you saved me, then!
[ They do, and Mako's kind of annoyed about that. He tried to only tell the people who really wouldn't leave well enough alone, but it seems like a lot of people found out anyway, despite his efforts.
It is a mistake he will not be repeating, he tells himself, following Wu into the room. It really is cold in this massive house. It prickles along his skin, too-sensitive from the fever, and retreats only slightly when he sighs and sits down heavily beside Wu.
The carpet in here is just as ornate as the rest of the house. Mako spends a moment just staring at it, watching the swirls of color and tasting salt and ozone in his own mouth all over again.
The silence is heavy, settling, and Mako sucks in a small breath and makes a mistake: he looks up at Wu.
Sees the concern on his face and flinches, a little bit, glancing away again just as quickly. ]
I—don't know what you want me to say here, Wu. I don't break down about stuff like this. I can't.
[ So, so many reasons, Mako thinks, but the words stick in his throat, thick and hard to get through. Wu's hand is a little cold, his fingers long and thin. Mako doesn't flip his hand over, but he doesn't move away, either.
He doesn't want to talk about this. ] Because what I feel about it doesn't change anything. It doesn't matter. The second my feelings get involved, things get messy. Look at Korra and Asami. If all I'm doing is sitting here feeling things about what's happening, I'm not fixing anything.
Just because it doesn't change anything doesn't mean it doesn't matter. [ Wu says quietly, watching Mako under the soft electric lights.
He should drop it. Mako doesn't like prying, clearly. But questions are on the tip of Wu's tongue, and he's never been very good at holding himself back. ] I think dating is a little different than murder, Mako. And Korra and Asami love you, even if you're not dating them anymore. That's a stupid argument.
The fact that Eddie got possessed enough to murder someone he didn't know in the first place.
[ Because that is how Mako deals with problems: he deals with them. He doesn't think about how he feels about them.
He tells himself this is because his feelings don't matter. He tells himself that how he feels doesn't change a single thing, because historically, that has been true.
But really, somewhere underneath there—in a part of himself Mako ist just starting to see—he is afraid that if he lets himself feel about this one thing, he'll never stop. That the waves that have been building for years will crash over him all at once, and drown him, and he can't handle the idea of that, so he shoves it down and down and pretends like it doesn't matter.
But his voice is thick and tight. The tide is coming in, slowly. ]
I'm looking into it. Figure out how to pull somebody out of it if it's going to happen again. Raleigh has a point. We can't just let it continue.
[ Another shaking breath, smaller, sharper, like he's sucking in air. ] I don't know how I feel about it. I died. I'm back. I shouldn't be.
So that's who did it. [ Wu murmurs, squeezing Mako's hand tighter. The contact is nice, calming. Wu hopes Mako feels the same.
He watches Mako's face. ] No, we can't. That shouldn't have happened to you. I'm sorry it did. I know I couldn't have done anything, I wasn't even here, but I wish it hadn't happened.
I want you to be okay. [ I want to take care of you, he doesn't say, but he means ] I think you'll feel better if you talk about it.
When my family was killed, I didn't talk about it for a long time. I didn't have anyone to tell, and it hurt. Even if I didn't like most of them, they were still my family, they were everything I had, and they were gone, taken by people who thought they knew better than us how the world should work.
[ He takes a breath, looking down at their hands. ] I never did get to talk about it. But I wrote about it, in my journal. And that helped. I figured out how I felt about it, and that gave me a lot of clarity. I was able to understand why I felt hurt, angry, and relieved all at once. I knew what I needed to do, because I let myself feel. It hurt, to feel all that. But I came out better for it.
So, I suppose I should't be forcing you to tell me how you feel. But I hope that you can figure it out yourself, because you might feel the same way. You might be able to understand what it means to you, what you can do with it now.
[ Wu bites his lip, then opens his mouth to say more before shutting it.
That was a lot to say. The words hang in the air, and he almost wishes he could reach out and grab them and pull them back into himself. ]
He's never heard Wu talk like that: not so openly, not so personally, not about things like that. Wu puts on this face, as far as Mako can see. He smiles and he laughs and he throws himself into the things in life that bring him joy. He doesn't dwell on what Mako remembers sometimes: that for him to be the King, there had to be nobody else.
That he was thrust into this role because he was the only one, and had to make do with it.
Maybe that's why Wu sticks in his head sometimes. There's always more to people than they show the world. Mako had made the mistake, at first, of thinking that everything Wu said was what he was, but after everything, he knows that isn't true.
He just didn't expect to hear so much about it. It tugs at something in him, his breath, his heart, pulling it against the cage of his ribs until he feels full with something.
Carefully, without thinking about it too hard, Mako lifts his hand out from under Wu's and drapes it around his shoulder instead. Some of that tension, all at once, eases away, and Mako tugs him closer still, his breath catching hard, until Wu is practically pressed against his side. ]
I.
[ His voice is so thick. He swallows, tries again, feeling everything settle just a little bit. A tension that Mako didn't even know was there is starting to leech away. ] I didn't know any of that. About your family. I knew they died, but— you weren't that close with them?
[ Wu makes a small noise when Mako pulls him close.
That's unexpected.
But the same calm fills him up, letting him lean into Mako's side, feeling his arm around Wu's shoulders, strong and solid. He pulls his legs up under him and presses closer, letting his eyes falls shut for a second. ]
No. Not close. You met my Great-Aunt. She wasn't a very... friendly person.
I was closer with my cousins. They were nice, fun.
[ He looks up at Mako again. ] But even with them, it was pretty lonely. It's hard to make friends when everyone just sees you as a Prince, or a King.
[ Mako shouldn't ask, really, because it's obviously a painful subject, but it's easier to think about that than it is about any of the other things Wu said. About what would happen if he did talk about it, finally.
And Wu is close and oddly familiar. Mako lets out a slow, soft breath and lets his head drop to the side, pushing his cheek against the soft puff of Wu's hair. ]
It sounds hard. When I first met you—that was your whole personality.
[ That feels nice, and Wu feels the emotion in his chest.
His family. It's been almost four years since he lost them, but the wound is still raw. ] They were killed in the riots. I was only lucky because I was at school when the Red Lotus attacked.
[ The next thing Mako says gives his pause. It's true. It's true because he hurt so much, there was too much pain and confusion and ambiguity to face head on. ] Yes, I suppose it was. No one really gave me a chance to be anything else.
I didn't give myself a chance to be anything else.
[ Why be anything but honest? Wu knows how Mako felt about him. He tried to keep his impressions under wraps but it was hard.
He can, at least, explain himself. Wu deserves that from him. ]
I'm sorry. I know what it's like, to lose your whole family. It's hard. It's always hard.
[ Wu's head is solid and warm on his shoulder, and it's nothing like David leaning on him. David leaning on him made Mako's skin prickle, made him too aware of everything. Wu leaning on him is... softer, somehow. Easier. Maybe because Mako invited him here, maybe because his thin shoulder is familiar under Mako's palm. ]
When you were acting like that—I mean, you acted like the only thing about you that mattered was your money. And your power. And I— it was hard. To be around, for me.
[ Wu nods. In this big house, it feels like this room, this couch, is all that there is. Wu doesn't remember the last time that someone held him like this. It might have been years. Probably since his family passed away. Maybe longer. ]
You lost your family too? [ He asks softly. He wants to reach out and touch Mako more, but he's not sure how to, not sure where to put his hands. ] But you have your Grandma and cousins, and...
[ It doesn't really matter, does it? What family you have left, if you lost people that matter to you. ]
It was all that mattered. [ He says it matter-of-factly. It wasn't too hard to swallow. He knows what it means, to be born into the family he was born into. ] That's the only reason that people wanted me to be safe, was because I'm the only Hou-Ting left. I suppose it was easier, to be that person. [ Than to be himself. Himself is much too vulnerable to have dealt with everything, then. ]
[ Mako can't fathom that. Sure, the person he could have been has been smothered under the weight of everything he's gone through but it happened so young that Mako has, maybe, forgotten that person ever could exist. He's just him, trying to be good for his brother, trying to be there for the people he loves, trying to keep them all safe and out of trouble in a world that seems to conspire to get them into it.
It's one thing, maybe, that Mako is lucky in: even when he had to swallow his anger and his opinions around the Triple Threats, even when he had to dress up fancy just to go on a date with Asami, Mako has always been Mako. Even if for a long time he didn't know who that was. Even if he still doesn't. ]
I like you better this way. When you're just... you.
[ Not that it matters terribly whether or not Mako likes him, he thinks, but it seems to be important to Wu, so he wants to make that very clear: this is the Wu he prefers, soft and smart and way too perceptive. Surprising, occasionally, even though Mako has spent a lot of time with him. Everything he said about his feelings and his journal, figuring out what they were so he could move on—Wu has a lot to him. ]
We only found out that Grandma and all our cousins existed three years ago. Right, uh. Right before the riots, actually, when we were in Ba Sing Se with Korra. Before that—our parents died when I was eight, and there was nobody else to take us in.
[ He chews on his lips, considering that. He's trying to be more honest, with himself, with others. ] Because I'm not really cut out to be a King. I'm not the sort of person who should do that. I don't think I'm a very good leader.
[ And he particularly didn't think that three years ago. He's better now. ]
Thank you. I, that means a lot. And thanks for putting up with me all those years. [ He nudges Mako in the side with a soft, humorless laugh ]
Oh. [ Wu didn't know that. Wu didn't know that at all.
He finally shifts, just enough to look at Mako. ] I lost mine when I was 12.
[ But at least he had his Great-Aunt and his uncle and the Palace. He had people to take care of him. ] You were by yourselves?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Be all stubborn and self-effacing as you want, Mako, that doesn't change the fact that this happened to you. It's awful, and I don't want you to have to do it alone. I know you have a lot of friends here, and maybe they're better friends to you than I am, but if you need me, or even if you want me, I'm here and I'll listen or, or I'll just watch stupid videos with you or something.
I guess what I'm saying is that I love you and I care about you, and this seems like a really big thing that you specifically avoided telling me. [ And maybe that hurts a little? But Wu tries not to let Mako's words, or lack thereof hurt him. Sometimes (rarely) he succeeds ]
I am learning how to fight, thank you very much. A fine young knight named Fern said he would teach me.
no subject
He takes it in, quiet, focusing on his own (slightly rasping) breath and the earnestness in Wu's words. That he wants to be there, for some reason. That he wants to help. Mako can't think of why: it was explicitly Mako's job to help Wu for three years, not the other way around. What Wu wants out of this—why he's offering, what he's getting—Mako can't fathom. Maybe it will come to him later.
I love you, he says, has said before, a few times, and Mako gets a little bit stuck on the words every time. Wu is the kind of person, he thinks, who just says them. He's effusive, and he shares things about himself with no thoughts, half the time. It's like Bolin, I love you tripping off his lips without a care.
Mako shouldn't get stuck on them like this, but he does. He always does.
His throat, oddly, is a bit tight by the time he tries to speak. He has to clear it, staring at the ground between his own knees, frowning to himself with the Fluid pressed to his ear. ]
I didn't want to tell anyone.
[ He hadn't meant to say that, really, but there it is. Mako makes a frustrated little sound, lifting his head to glare at the wall, instead. ] Are you at your house? I don't want to—I hate these things. Sometimes.
no subject
no subject
[ He pushes himself up in a rustle of clothes and fabric, groaning a bit. Like a grandpa. He really, really can't wait to be over this sickness. The Fluid switches off a moment later.
It takes him a little while, and his head is a strange combination of repeating Wu's words over and over again and otherwise empty as he walks over, crunching across the snow to knock on Wu's door. Wu wants to watch stupid videos. Wu wishes Mako had told him that he was murdered.
He doesn't get it, but they're clearly not done talking, and Wu probably won't leave it alone until Mako tells him more about it, so. ]
no subject
He trots over and pulls open the door with a small smile. ] Mako! Hey, buddy. How are you doing?
no subject
[ Mako hesitates for a second before stepping forward, out of the cold. He definitely looks better. Not best, but better. Better, at least, than when Wu first woke up.
And he isn't entirely sure of the etiquette here. He's in Wu's house, but they're not at the small-talk phase, and they were kind of in the middle of a conversation before Mako interrupted it to come over here.
He pauses, and then says, shutting the door. ] Like I said. It wasn't just you. I didn't want to tell anyone.
no subject
Okay. That... that's not really better. But why didn't you want to tell anyone?
no subject
[ Mako cuts himself off with a frustrated noise, especially since the fire in the room he just walked into flared up as soon as he walked into it. Nope. Control those emotions. He can't let that keep happening. ]
It is better. It wasn't like I specifically didn't tell you, I just. Didn't think it was relevant, or important, and I wasn't about to broadcast to everybody that I was basically a sitting gooseduck.
no subject
[ He turns on his heel and walks the other way out of the sitting room ] Everyone seems to have found out anyway. They're a nosy bunch, aren't they?
[ He lets out a breath, and turns around to look at Mako, walking backwards ] It just seems like a key piece of information, and it's not like I'm going to threaten you, Mako! As you love reminding me, I'm completely incapable of hurting anyone.
no subject
He's supposed to be better than this, and it stings, watching Wu flinch and retreat.
Still. He follows, mute for a moment, turning the words over in his head. ]
Very nosy, and I don't see why everyone's so torn up about it. It happened. Them bringing me soup and asking how I feel isn't going to change the fact that it happened.
[ Wu's shoulders are so thin. The thought comes out of nowhere, and disappears a moment later, leaving Mako frowning at him as he walks. ] I don't think you're a threat, but you have to see that it's stupid to just let everyone know how weak you are. These symptoms are public knowledge. It'd be easy to take advantage of.
no subject
You can't change the fact that it happened, but you must have some sort of feeling about it, right? You're not the emotionless automaton you like to pretend you are. I've seen you have emotions, Mako. Everyone has them! I know if I had been murdered and came back to life, I would be pretty torn up about it. I was from when I was kidnapped, and you saved me, then!
no subject
It is a mistake he will not be repeating, he tells himself, following Wu into the room. It really is cold in this massive house. It prickles along his skin, too-sensitive from the fever, and retreats only slightly when he sighs and sits down heavily beside Wu.
The carpet in here is just as ornate as the rest of the house. Mako spends a moment just staring at it, watching the swirls of color and tasting salt and ozone in his own mouth all over again.
The silence is heavy, settling, and Mako sucks in a small breath and makes a mistake: he looks up at Wu.
Sees the concern on his face and flinches, a little bit, glancing away again just as quickly. ]
I—don't know what you want me to say here, Wu. I don't break down about stuff like this. I can't.
no subject
Honestly, even that is more than he thought he would get out of Mako.
After a moment's hesitation, Wu reaches over, dropping his hand on Mako's. ]
Why not? Why aren't you allowed to, when other people are?
no subject
He doesn't want to talk about this. ] Because what I feel about it doesn't change anything. It doesn't matter. The second my feelings get involved, things get messy. Look at Korra and Asami. If all I'm doing is sitting here feeling things about what's happening, I'm not fixing anything.
no subject
He should drop it. Mako doesn't like prying, clearly. But questions are on the tip of Wu's tongue, and he's never been very good at holding himself back. ] I think dating is a little different than murder, Mako. And Korra and Asami love you, even if you're not dating them anymore. That's a stupid argument.
What do you want to fix?
no subject
[ Because that is how Mako deals with problems: he deals with them. He doesn't think about how he feels about them.
He tells himself this is because his feelings don't matter. He tells himself that how he feels doesn't change a single thing, because historically, that has been true.
But really, somewhere underneath there—in a part of himself Mako ist just starting to see—he is afraid that if he lets himself feel about this one thing, he'll never stop. That the waves that have been building for years will crash over him all at once, and drown him, and he can't handle the idea of that, so he shoves it down and down and pretends like it doesn't matter.
But his voice is thick and tight. The tide is coming in, slowly. ]
I'm looking into it. Figure out how to pull somebody out of it if it's going to happen again. Raleigh has a point. We can't just let it continue.
[ Another shaking breath, smaller, sharper, like he's sucking in air. ] I don't know how I feel about it. I died. I'm back. I shouldn't be.
no subject
He watches Mako's face. ] No, we can't. That shouldn't have happened to you. I'm sorry it did. I know I couldn't have done anything, I wasn't even here, but I wish it hadn't happened.
I want you to be okay. [ I want to take care of you, he doesn't say, but he means ] I think you'll feel better if you talk about it.
When my family was killed, I didn't talk about it for a long time. I didn't have anyone to tell, and it hurt. Even if I didn't like most of them, they were still my family, they were everything I had, and they were gone, taken by people who thought they knew better than us how the world should work.
[ He takes a breath, looking down at their hands. ] I never did get to talk about it. But I wrote about it, in my journal. And that helped. I figured out how I felt about it, and that gave me a lot of clarity. I was able to understand why I felt hurt, angry, and relieved all at once. I knew what I needed to do, because I let myself feel. It hurt, to feel all that. But I came out better for it.
So, I suppose I should't be forcing you to tell me how you feel. But I hope that you can figure it out yourself, because you might feel the same way. You might be able to understand what it means to you, what you can do with it now.
[ Wu bites his lip, then opens his mouth to say more before shutting it.
That was a lot to say. The words hang in the air, and he almost wishes he could reach out and grab them and pull them back into himself. ]
no subject
He's never heard Wu talk like that: not so openly, not so personally, not about things like that. Wu puts on this face, as far as Mako can see. He smiles and he laughs and he throws himself into the things in life that bring him joy. He doesn't dwell on what Mako remembers sometimes: that for him to be the King, there had to be nobody else.
That he was thrust into this role because he was the only one, and had to make do with it.
Maybe that's why Wu sticks in his head sometimes. There's always more to people than they show the world. Mako had made the mistake, at first, of thinking that everything Wu said was what he was, but after everything, he knows that isn't true.
He just didn't expect to hear so much about it. It tugs at something in him, his breath, his heart, pulling it against the cage of his ribs until he feels full with something.
Carefully, without thinking about it too hard, Mako lifts his hand out from under Wu's and drapes it around his shoulder instead. Some of that tension, all at once, eases away, and Mako tugs him closer still, his breath catching hard, until Wu is practically pressed against his side. ]
I.
[ His voice is so thick. He swallows, tries again, feeling everything settle just a little bit. A tension that Mako didn't even know was there is starting to leech away. ] I didn't know any of that. About your family. I knew they died, but— you weren't that close with them?
no subject
That's unexpected.
But the same calm fills him up, letting him lean into Mako's side, feeling his arm around Wu's shoulders, strong and solid. He pulls his legs up under him and presses closer, letting his eyes falls shut for a second. ]
No. Not close. You met my Great-Aunt. She wasn't a very... friendly person.
I was closer with my cousins. They were nice, fun.
[ He looks up at Mako again. ] But even with them, it was pretty lonely. It's hard to make friends when everyone just sees you as a Prince, or a King.
no subject
[ Mako shouldn't ask, really, because it's obviously a painful subject, but it's easier to think about that than it is about any of the other things Wu said. About what would happen if he did talk about it, finally.
And Wu is close and oddly familiar. Mako lets out a slow, soft breath and lets his head drop to the side, pushing his cheek against the soft puff of Wu's hair. ]
It sounds hard. When I first met you—that was your whole personality.
no subject
His family. It's been almost four years since he lost them, but the wound is still raw. ] They were killed in the riots. I was only lucky because I was at school when the Red Lotus attacked.
[ The next thing Mako says gives his pause. It's true. It's true because he hurt so much, there was too much pain and confusion and ambiguity to face head on. ] Yes, I suppose it was. No one really gave me a chance to be anything else.
I didn't give myself a chance to be anything else.
[ He's quiet again for a moment, before saying: ]
You didn't like me.
no subject
[ Why be anything but honest? Wu knows how Mako felt about him. He tried to keep his impressions under wraps but it was hard.
He can, at least, explain himself. Wu deserves that from him. ]
I'm sorry. I know what it's like, to lose your whole family. It's hard. It's always hard.
[ Wu's head is solid and warm on his shoulder, and it's nothing like David leaning on him. David leaning on him made Mako's skin prickle, made him too aware of everything. Wu leaning on him is... softer, somehow. Easier. Maybe because Mako invited him here, maybe because his thin shoulder is familiar under Mako's palm. ]
When you were acting like that—I mean, you acted like the only thing about you that mattered was your money. And your power. And I— it was hard. To be around, for me.
no subject
You lost your family too? [ He asks softly. He wants to reach out and touch Mako more, but he's not sure how to, not sure where to put his hands. ] But you have your Grandma and cousins, and...
[ It doesn't really matter, does it? What family you have left, if you lost people that matter to you. ]
It was all that mattered. [ He says it matter-of-factly. It wasn't too hard to swallow. He knows what it means, to be born into the family he was born into. ] That's the only reason that people wanted me to be safe, was because I'm the only Hou-Ting left. I suppose it was easier, to be that person. [ Than to be himself. Himself is much too vulnerable to have dealt with everything, then. ]
no subject
[ Mako can't fathom that. Sure, the person he could have been has been smothered under the weight of everything he's gone through but it happened so young that Mako has, maybe, forgotten that person ever could exist. He's just him, trying to be good for his brother, trying to be there for the people he loves, trying to keep them all safe and out of trouble in a world that seems to conspire to get them into it.
It's one thing, maybe, that Mako is lucky in: even when he had to swallow his anger and his opinions around the Triple Threats, even when he had to dress up fancy just to go on a date with Asami, Mako has always been Mako. Even if for a long time he didn't know who that was. Even if he still doesn't. ]
I like you better this way. When you're just... you.
[ Not that it matters terribly whether or not Mako likes him, he thinks, but it seems to be important to Wu, so he wants to make that very clear: this is the Wu he prefers, soft and smart and way too perceptive. Surprising, occasionally, even though Mako has spent a lot of time with him. Everything he said about his feelings and his journal, figuring out what they were so he could move on—Wu has a lot to him. ]
We only found out that Grandma and all our cousins existed three years ago. Right, uh. Right before the riots, actually, when we were in Ba Sing Se with Korra. Before that—our parents died when I was eight, and there was nobody else to take us in.
[ He doesn't say any more than that. Not yet. ]
no subject
[ And he particularly didn't think that three years ago. He's better now. ]
Thank you. I, that means a lot. And thanks for putting up with me all those years. [ He nudges Mako in the side with a soft, humorless laugh ]
Oh. [ Wu didn't know that. Wu didn't know that at all.
He finally shifts, just enough to look at Mako. ] I lost mine when I was 12.
[ But at least he had his Great-Aunt and his uncle and the Palace. He had people to take care of him. ] You were by yourselves?
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)