So that's who did it. [ Wu murmurs, squeezing Mako's hand tighter. The contact is nice, calming. Wu hopes Mako feels the same.
He watches Mako's face. ] No, we can't. That shouldn't have happened to you. I'm sorry it did. I know I couldn't have done anything, I wasn't even here, but I wish it hadn't happened.
I want you to be okay. [ I want to take care of you, he doesn't say, but he means ] I think you'll feel better if you talk about it.
When my family was killed, I didn't talk about it for a long time. I didn't have anyone to tell, and it hurt. Even if I didn't like most of them, they were still my family, they were everything I had, and they were gone, taken by people who thought they knew better than us how the world should work.
[ He takes a breath, looking down at their hands. ] I never did get to talk about it. But I wrote about it, in my journal. And that helped. I figured out how I felt about it, and that gave me a lot of clarity. I was able to understand why I felt hurt, angry, and relieved all at once. I knew what I needed to do, because I let myself feel. It hurt, to feel all that. But I came out better for it.
So, I suppose I should't be forcing you to tell me how you feel. But I hope that you can figure it out yourself, because you might feel the same way. You might be able to understand what it means to you, what you can do with it now.
[ Wu bites his lip, then opens his mouth to say more before shutting it.
That was a lot to say. The words hang in the air, and he almost wishes he could reach out and grab them and pull them back into himself. ]
He's never heard Wu talk like that: not so openly, not so personally, not about things like that. Wu puts on this face, as far as Mako can see. He smiles and he laughs and he throws himself into the things in life that bring him joy. He doesn't dwell on what Mako remembers sometimes: that for him to be the King, there had to be nobody else.
That he was thrust into this role because he was the only one, and had to make do with it.
Maybe that's why Wu sticks in his head sometimes. There's always more to people than they show the world. Mako had made the mistake, at first, of thinking that everything Wu said was what he was, but after everything, he knows that isn't true.
He just didn't expect to hear so much about it. It tugs at something in him, his breath, his heart, pulling it against the cage of his ribs until he feels full with something.
Carefully, without thinking about it too hard, Mako lifts his hand out from under Wu's and drapes it around his shoulder instead. Some of that tension, all at once, eases away, and Mako tugs him closer still, his breath catching hard, until Wu is practically pressed against his side. ]
I.
[ His voice is so thick. He swallows, tries again, feeling everything settle just a little bit. A tension that Mako didn't even know was there is starting to leech away. ] I didn't know any of that. About your family. I knew they died, but— you weren't that close with them?
[ Wu makes a small noise when Mako pulls him close.
That's unexpected.
But the same calm fills him up, letting him lean into Mako's side, feeling his arm around Wu's shoulders, strong and solid. He pulls his legs up under him and presses closer, letting his eyes falls shut for a second. ]
No. Not close. You met my Great-Aunt. She wasn't a very... friendly person.
I was closer with my cousins. They were nice, fun.
[ He looks up at Mako again. ] But even with them, it was pretty lonely. It's hard to make friends when everyone just sees you as a Prince, or a King.
[ Mako shouldn't ask, really, because it's obviously a painful subject, but it's easier to think about that than it is about any of the other things Wu said. About what would happen if he did talk about it, finally.
And Wu is close and oddly familiar. Mako lets out a slow, soft breath and lets his head drop to the side, pushing his cheek against the soft puff of Wu's hair. ]
It sounds hard. When I first met you—that was your whole personality.
[ That feels nice, and Wu feels the emotion in his chest.
His family. It's been almost four years since he lost them, but the wound is still raw. ] They were killed in the riots. I was only lucky because I was at school when the Red Lotus attacked.
[ The next thing Mako says gives his pause. It's true. It's true because he hurt so much, there was too much pain and confusion and ambiguity to face head on. ] Yes, I suppose it was. No one really gave me a chance to be anything else.
I didn't give myself a chance to be anything else.
[ Why be anything but honest? Wu knows how Mako felt about him. He tried to keep his impressions under wraps but it was hard.
He can, at least, explain himself. Wu deserves that from him. ]
I'm sorry. I know what it's like, to lose your whole family. It's hard. It's always hard.
[ Wu's head is solid and warm on his shoulder, and it's nothing like David leaning on him. David leaning on him made Mako's skin prickle, made him too aware of everything. Wu leaning on him is... softer, somehow. Easier. Maybe because Mako invited him here, maybe because his thin shoulder is familiar under Mako's palm. ]
When you were acting like that—I mean, you acted like the only thing about you that mattered was your money. And your power. And I— it was hard. To be around, for me.
[ Wu nods. In this big house, it feels like this room, this couch, is all that there is. Wu doesn't remember the last time that someone held him like this. It might have been years. Probably since his family passed away. Maybe longer. ]
You lost your family too? [ He asks softly. He wants to reach out and touch Mako more, but he's not sure how to, not sure where to put his hands. ] But you have your Grandma and cousins, and...
[ It doesn't really matter, does it? What family you have left, if you lost people that matter to you. ]
It was all that mattered. [ He says it matter-of-factly. It wasn't too hard to swallow. He knows what it means, to be born into the family he was born into. ] That's the only reason that people wanted me to be safe, was because I'm the only Hou-Ting left. I suppose it was easier, to be that person. [ Than to be himself. Himself is much too vulnerable to have dealt with everything, then. ]
[ Mako can't fathom that. Sure, the person he could have been has been smothered under the weight of everything he's gone through but it happened so young that Mako has, maybe, forgotten that person ever could exist. He's just him, trying to be good for his brother, trying to be there for the people he loves, trying to keep them all safe and out of trouble in a world that seems to conspire to get them into it.
It's one thing, maybe, that Mako is lucky in: even when he had to swallow his anger and his opinions around the Triple Threats, even when he had to dress up fancy just to go on a date with Asami, Mako has always been Mako. Even if for a long time he didn't know who that was. Even if he still doesn't. ]
I like you better this way. When you're just... you.
[ Not that it matters terribly whether or not Mako likes him, he thinks, but it seems to be important to Wu, so he wants to make that very clear: this is the Wu he prefers, soft and smart and way too perceptive. Surprising, occasionally, even though Mako has spent a lot of time with him. Everything he said about his feelings and his journal, figuring out what they were so he could move on—Wu has a lot to him. ]
We only found out that Grandma and all our cousins existed three years ago. Right, uh. Right before the riots, actually, when we were in Ba Sing Se with Korra. Before that—our parents died when I was eight, and there was nobody else to take us in.
[ He chews on his lips, considering that. He's trying to be more honest, with himself, with others. ] Because I'm not really cut out to be a King. I'm not the sort of person who should do that. I don't think I'm a very good leader.
[ And he particularly didn't think that three years ago. He's better now. ]
Thank you. I, that means a lot. And thanks for putting up with me all those years. [ He nudges Mako in the side with a soft, humorless laugh ]
Oh. [ Wu didn't know that. Wu didn't know that at all.
He finally shifts, just enough to look at Mako. ] I lost mine when I was 12.
[ But at least he had his Great-Aunt and his uncle and the Palace. He had people to take care of him. ] You were by yourselves?
Well, that's why you're stepping down, right? If you were sticking around and you thought you were a bad leader that would be a different story. I think you're doing the right thing.
[ Even if Guan doesn't agree. Mako just yanks him a little closer, because now they're doing this and he feels so much better, isn't thinking about it quite enough to figure out that it's weird and that he doesn't do this and should stop.
But some things are slotting into place for Mako that he didn't realize were out of place: the sadness on Wu's face sometimes, when he thinks nobody else is looking, all the letters, how quickly he latched onto Mako and Team Avatar. It's what Bolin does, too, yanks everyone around him as close as possible because otherwise he's alone. ]
Yeah. Just me and Bo. Our parents had a shop, but—they were killed. Firebenders. Happened to plenty of kids in the city, and the police and the council weren't handling it at all. A lot of us slipped through the cracks, ended up on the street.
So. I know what it's like, is what I'm saying. I'm glad you had the rest of your family after they died.
[ Wu has to close his eyes again, taking in the flood of calm and warmth that flows through him. Did it always feel this good, to be hugged? He doesn't remember, but he's not going to question it. It feels good and Mako is close and Mako is here and Wu has no idea what he would do without Mako here. ]
Thanks. I think so too. [ He's sure in his conviction, for once. But it doesn't hurt that Mako agrees with him. Wu thinks, sometimes, about how much he wants that, for Mako to approve of him. He shouldn't, he shouldn't care, but he does. He does a lot more than Mako knows. ]
On the street. That, that's awful. [ And explains a lot about Mako. How he refuses to rely on anyone, how he doesn't trust easily, how he seems uncomfortable a lot of the time when he's around Wu and his life of luxury.
How he refuses to talk about this whole being-murdered thing. ] Mako... I don't know what it's like, what you've been through here. But I want to try to understand. If you can trust me with that, I promise I won't betray that trust. [ It's a gamble, but it's true. Wu has taken a lot from Mako in the last few years. He's not sure if he can ever repay Mako, but he wants to try. Mako means so much to him, and he just wants to be able to do something for him in return. ]
[ Mako drags in another one of those shaky little breaths.
He hasn't even really talked to Bolin about it, honestly. He doesn't want to make Bolin worry, doesn't want to be a source of stress for him when Mako's supposed to be the one keeping that kind of thing from him, keeping him safe and alive and happy.
And he's not sure it's even about trust. Maybe it isn't. Maybe it's about habit. Maybe he doesn't know how to talk about it, doesn't have the right words or the right feelings or the right thoughts to express it.
But Wu's asking Mako to trust him. Wu knows exactly what it's like to look death in the face, Wu knows what it's like, apparently, to be alone. To have nobody else, to have to stand on your own feet and put on a face to the world that says "I'm fine" even though you're probably not fine.
He huffs, almost like a laugh, flat and short. Wu is so good with his words. How had Mako forgotten? ]
I died.
[ His voice is flat, as flat as he can get it, to keep it from shaking. ]
And I remember it. It's—I don't even know. Where to start.
How about at the beginning? [ Wu offers quietly, like talking too loud will break this fragile moment between them.
He wants to know. He has a curiosity in him, that he channels into learning and thinking, but there's something about Mako in particular that's started peaking his curiosity recently. Since everything in Republic City, in their letters and conversations since, since Mako started working for him. There's something else there, someone else that Wu is only just getting to know. ] What led to you, ah, dying?
[ Mako's glad for the offer. Glad for the place to start, and for Wu, although he doesn't quite put it into those words in his own head.
Even if it's slow, the words just as quiet as he picks them one by one from his own head. ]
Korra... left. Disappeared.
[ His fingers curl around Wu's shoulder, into the stiff fabric of his jacket. ] Right in front of me. I didn't tell Bolin. She just—exploded. Into dust. It was like she got ripped apart.
I had to ask someone what that meant, but I knew she was gone, really. I went down to the trench—
[ Another shaky breath. ] In October, I turned into this... thing. Made out of fire. It was like being brainwashed. Like I was trapped in my head watching it try to burn down the town.
I didn't want that to happen again, so I went to the coldest place I could think of.
Did it work? [ Wu asks quietly. He presses closer, firm against his side.
He knows she's gone, that she left. Of course that would hurt Mako. He remembers how hurt Mako that Korra disappeared before, and she doesn't even have the ability to write to Mako this time. That's probably better. That way Mako can't be disappointed. ] Going down there?
I mean, I can't firebend when I'm underwater. Did I tell you about that? There are these fruits growing down there. If you eat them—I'm not making this up—your legs turn into a tail and you can breathe underwater. It's like you become part-fish.
[ His voice is a little stronger, telling Wu about that, because he thinks Wu will actually be kind of fascinated by it. ]
That's where it happened, anyway. Under the water, way out in the ocean. I just... swam, until I ran into Eddie. I should've known something was up. He was acting weird.
[ He's not wrong about that. Wu's eyes light up and he looks up at Mako again, lips parted ] You become what?! That's, that's amazing-- [ He wants to ask so much more about that but has to stop himself because this is far more important. Mako. Mako telling him about how he died. ]
Okay. Okay, you met him down there. He was acting weird. And you were both part-fish. What, what happened next?
[ He almost sounds embarrassed about it, his voice rumbling through Wu's head because they're so close together. ]
But yeah. He was long, like an eelsnake. He was... being really nice. Offered to swim with me. I wasn't thinking clearly, and being down there alone sounded like a bad idea, so I let him come. We talked for a little while, and he...
[ Mako sucks in a small breath, steeling himself. Again he tastes saltwater on his tongue, remembers his own hazy confusion, the miles of dark water. ] He electrocuted me. Like the spirit vines, but I guess it actually worked this time.
[ Mako says it with a heavy sort of finality, his voice small and soft. ]
I talked to him, afterward. He put something up about it. Said it was this thing called a demon. Like a dark spirit. It was angry, and I was in the wrong place.
He pulls back from Mako, just a little, wrapping his arms around himself. ]
Awful. Terrible. Like my life, the life I thought I had, was gone, was ripped away by a man who thought that me and my entire family didn't deserve to live.
[ He takes a shaky breath, and suddenly he's on his feet, pacing. He can't sit still, not when he lets himself dwell on this.
This isn't what he wanted, but if it's what Mako needs, he'll say it. He walks away, then spins around and meets Mako's eyes ] I didn't feel good for months. Maybe years. I was afraid, all the time, that they would come back and try to kill me. There was a hurt, deep in here, [ He pushes a hand over his chest ] that wouldn't stop. It's still there, sometimes, because they're still gone, they're still dead, and I'm still in danger because of the family I was born into.
I feel helpless. [ He takes a deep breath, his chest heaving, his eyes fixed on Mako. ] Because I can't do anything about it. Because the decisions I'm making put me at risk. Because now I'm in a place that's horrible and awful and maybe people don't care that I'm a king here, but they might hurt me or kill me for any other reason. Maybe for no reason.
There's so much pain and hurt and fear that Wu must cover up, or else how does he feel like this all the time? Mako is afraid that if he lets himself feel that he'll never stop. Like once he uncovers it, that's it. Wu won't think that Mako is someone who can protect him anymore, Bolin will know exactly how much Mako is just making this all up—
But he doesn't look away. He watches Wu through all of this, holding his gaze, taking in every word. Mako feels like he has to, both because he asked and also because he didn't know.
And he feels like he should have. There's so much there. Maybe Wu never asked about Mako, but Mako never asked about Wu either, really. Didn't feel like he had to because Wu is so free with this things, but obviously there are things he missed. ]
For what it's worth, [ because this is all he knows to say, here, this is the only thing Mako feels he can offer ] I'm going to do everything I can to make sure nothing happens to you. Or that if it does, you'll be okay afterwards. I don't like to make promises I can't keep, but. I promise you that.
Mako. [ Wu says his name quietly, shaking his head. ] I appreciate that. I really do. But you don't work for me anymore. I'm not a king here. If you want to protect me, protect me because you care, not because you feel like you have to.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
He watches Mako's face. ] No, we can't. That shouldn't have happened to you. I'm sorry it did. I know I couldn't have done anything, I wasn't even here, but I wish it hadn't happened.
I want you to be okay. [ I want to take care of you, he doesn't say, but he means ] I think you'll feel better if you talk about it.
When my family was killed, I didn't talk about it for a long time. I didn't have anyone to tell, and it hurt. Even if I didn't like most of them, they were still my family, they were everything I had, and they were gone, taken by people who thought they knew better than us how the world should work.
[ He takes a breath, looking down at their hands. ] I never did get to talk about it. But I wrote about it, in my journal. And that helped. I figured out how I felt about it, and that gave me a lot of clarity. I was able to understand why I felt hurt, angry, and relieved all at once. I knew what I needed to do, because I let myself feel. It hurt, to feel all that. But I came out better for it.
So, I suppose I should't be forcing you to tell me how you feel. But I hope that you can figure it out yourself, because you might feel the same way. You might be able to understand what it means to you, what you can do with it now.
[ Wu bites his lip, then opens his mouth to say more before shutting it.
That was a lot to say. The words hang in the air, and he almost wishes he could reach out and grab them and pull them back into himself. ]
no subject
He's never heard Wu talk like that: not so openly, not so personally, not about things like that. Wu puts on this face, as far as Mako can see. He smiles and he laughs and he throws himself into the things in life that bring him joy. He doesn't dwell on what Mako remembers sometimes: that for him to be the King, there had to be nobody else.
That he was thrust into this role because he was the only one, and had to make do with it.
Maybe that's why Wu sticks in his head sometimes. There's always more to people than they show the world. Mako had made the mistake, at first, of thinking that everything Wu said was what he was, but after everything, he knows that isn't true.
He just didn't expect to hear so much about it. It tugs at something in him, his breath, his heart, pulling it against the cage of his ribs until he feels full with something.
Carefully, without thinking about it too hard, Mako lifts his hand out from under Wu's and drapes it around his shoulder instead. Some of that tension, all at once, eases away, and Mako tugs him closer still, his breath catching hard, until Wu is practically pressed against his side. ]
I.
[ His voice is so thick. He swallows, tries again, feeling everything settle just a little bit. A tension that Mako didn't even know was there is starting to leech away. ] I didn't know any of that. About your family. I knew they died, but— you weren't that close with them?
no subject
That's unexpected.
But the same calm fills him up, letting him lean into Mako's side, feeling his arm around Wu's shoulders, strong and solid. He pulls his legs up under him and presses closer, letting his eyes falls shut for a second. ]
No. Not close. You met my Great-Aunt. She wasn't a very... friendly person.
I was closer with my cousins. They were nice, fun.
[ He looks up at Mako again. ] But even with them, it was pretty lonely. It's hard to make friends when everyone just sees you as a Prince, or a King.
no subject
[ Mako shouldn't ask, really, because it's obviously a painful subject, but it's easier to think about that than it is about any of the other things Wu said. About what would happen if he did talk about it, finally.
And Wu is close and oddly familiar. Mako lets out a slow, soft breath and lets his head drop to the side, pushing his cheek against the soft puff of Wu's hair. ]
It sounds hard. When I first met you—that was your whole personality.
no subject
His family. It's been almost four years since he lost them, but the wound is still raw. ] They were killed in the riots. I was only lucky because I was at school when the Red Lotus attacked.
[ The next thing Mako says gives his pause. It's true. It's true because he hurt so much, there was too much pain and confusion and ambiguity to face head on. ] Yes, I suppose it was. No one really gave me a chance to be anything else.
I didn't give myself a chance to be anything else.
[ He's quiet again for a moment, before saying: ]
You didn't like me.
no subject
[ Why be anything but honest? Wu knows how Mako felt about him. He tried to keep his impressions under wraps but it was hard.
He can, at least, explain himself. Wu deserves that from him. ]
I'm sorry. I know what it's like, to lose your whole family. It's hard. It's always hard.
[ Wu's head is solid and warm on his shoulder, and it's nothing like David leaning on him. David leaning on him made Mako's skin prickle, made him too aware of everything. Wu leaning on him is... softer, somehow. Easier. Maybe because Mako invited him here, maybe because his thin shoulder is familiar under Mako's palm. ]
When you were acting like that—I mean, you acted like the only thing about you that mattered was your money. And your power. And I— it was hard. To be around, for me.
no subject
You lost your family too? [ He asks softly. He wants to reach out and touch Mako more, but he's not sure how to, not sure where to put his hands. ] But you have your Grandma and cousins, and...
[ It doesn't really matter, does it? What family you have left, if you lost people that matter to you. ]
It was all that mattered. [ He says it matter-of-factly. It wasn't too hard to swallow. He knows what it means, to be born into the family he was born into. ] That's the only reason that people wanted me to be safe, was because I'm the only Hou-Ting left. I suppose it was easier, to be that person. [ Than to be himself. Himself is much too vulnerable to have dealt with everything, then. ]
no subject
[ Mako can't fathom that. Sure, the person he could have been has been smothered under the weight of everything he's gone through but it happened so young that Mako has, maybe, forgotten that person ever could exist. He's just him, trying to be good for his brother, trying to be there for the people he loves, trying to keep them all safe and out of trouble in a world that seems to conspire to get them into it.
It's one thing, maybe, that Mako is lucky in: even when he had to swallow his anger and his opinions around the Triple Threats, even when he had to dress up fancy just to go on a date with Asami, Mako has always been Mako. Even if for a long time he didn't know who that was. Even if he still doesn't. ]
I like you better this way. When you're just... you.
[ Not that it matters terribly whether or not Mako likes him, he thinks, but it seems to be important to Wu, so he wants to make that very clear: this is the Wu he prefers, soft and smart and way too perceptive. Surprising, occasionally, even though Mako has spent a lot of time with him. Everything he said about his feelings and his journal, figuring out what they were so he could move on—Wu has a lot to him. ]
We only found out that Grandma and all our cousins existed three years ago. Right, uh. Right before the riots, actually, when we were in Ba Sing Se with Korra. Before that—our parents died when I was eight, and there was nobody else to take us in.
[ He doesn't say any more than that. Not yet. ]
no subject
[ And he particularly didn't think that three years ago. He's better now. ]
Thank you. I, that means a lot. And thanks for putting up with me all those years. [ He nudges Mako in the side with a soft, humorless laugh ]
Oh. [ Wu didn't know that. Wu didn't know that at all.
He finally shifts, just enough to look at Mako. ] I lost mine when I was 12.
[ But at least he had his Great-Aunt and his uncle and the Palace. He had people to take care of him. ] You were by yourselves?
no subject
[ Even if Guan doesn't agree. Mako just yanks him a little closer, because now they're doing this and he feels so much better, isn't thinking about it quite enough to figure out that it's weird and that he doesn't do this and should stop.
But some things are slotting into place for Mako that he didn't realize were out of place: the sadness on Wu's face sometimes, when he thinks nobody else is looking, all the letters, how quickly he latched onto Mako and Team Avatar. It's what Bolin does, too, yanks everyone around him as close as possible because otherwise he's alone. ]
Yeah. Just me and Bo. Our parents had a shop, but—they were killed. Firebenders. Happened to plenty of kids in the city, and the police and the council weren't handling it at all. A lot of us slipped through the cracks, ended up on the street.
So. I know what it's like, is what I'm saying. I'm glad you had the rest of your family after they died.
no subject
Thanks. I think so too. [ He's sure in his conviction, for once. But it doesn't hurt that Mako agrees with him. Wu thinks, sometimes, about how much he wants that, for Mako to approve of him. He shouldn't, he shouldn't care, but he does. He does a lot more than Mako knows. ]
On the street. That, that's awful. [ And explains a lot about Mako. How he refuses to rely on anyone, how he doesn't trust easily, how he seems uncomfortable a lot of the time when he's around Wu and his life of luxury.
How he refuses to talk about this whole being-murdered thing. ] Mako... I don't know what it's like, what you've been through here. But I want to try to understand. If you can trust me with that, I promise I won't betray that trust. [ It's a gamble, but it's true. Wu has taken a lot from Mako in the last few years. He's not sure if he can ever repay Mako, but he wants to try. Mako means so much to him, and he just wants to be able to do something for him in return. ]
no subject
He hasn't even really talked to Bolin about it, honestly. He doesn't want to make Bolin worry, doesn't want to be a source of stress for him when Mako's supposed to be the one keeping that kind of thing from him, keeping him safe and alive and happy.
And he's not sure it's even about trust. Maybe it isn't. Maybe it's about habit. Maybe he doesn't know how to talk about it, doesn't have the right words or the right feelings or the right thoughts to express it.
But Wu's asking Mako to trust him. Wu knows exactly what it's like to look death in the face, Wu knows what it's like, apparently, to be alone. To have nobody else, to have to stand on your own feet and put on a face to the world that says "I'm fine" even though you're probably not fine.
He huffs, almost like a laugh, flat and short. Wu is so good with his words. How had Mako forgotten? ]
I died.
[ His voice is flat, as flat as he can get it, to keep it from shaking. ]
And I remember it. It's—I don't even know. Where to start.
no subject
He wants to know. He has a curiosity in him, that he channels into learning and thinking, but there's something about Mako in particular that's started peaking his curiosity recently. Since everything in Republic City, in their letters and conversations since, since Mako started working for him. There's something else there, someone else that Wu is only just getting to know. ] What led to you, ah, dying?
no subject
Even if it's slow, the words just as quiet as he picks them one by one from his own head. ]
Korra... left. Disappeared.
[ His fingers curl around Wu's shoulder, into the stiff fabric of his jacket. ] Right in front of me. I didn't tell Bolin. She just—exploded. Into dust. It was like she got ripped apart.
I had to ask someone what that meant, but I knew she was gone, really. I went down to the trench—
[ Another shaky breath. ] In October, I turned into this... thing. Made out of fire. It was like being brainwashed. Like I was trapped in my head watching it try to burn down the town.
I didn't want that to happen again, so I went to the coldest place I could think of.
no subject
He knows she's gone, that she left. Of course that would hurt Mako. He remembers how hurt Mako that Korra disappeared before, and she doesn't even have the ability to write to Mako this time. That's probably better. That way Mako can't be disappointed. ] Going down there?
no subject
[ His voice is a little stronger, telling Wu about that, because he thinks Wu will actually be kind of fascinated by it. ]
That's where it happened, anyway. Under the water, way out in the ocean. I just... swam, until I ran into Eddie. I should've known something was up. He was acting weird.
no subject
Okay. Okay, you met him down there. He was acting weird. And you were both part-fish. What, what happened next?
no subject
[ He almost sounds embarrassed about it, his voice rumbling through Wu's head because they're so close together. ]
But yeah. He was long, like an eelsnake. He was... being really nice. Offered to swim with me. I wasn't thinking clearly, and being down there alone sounded like a bad idea, so I let him come. We talked for a little while, and he...
[ Mako sucks in a small breath, steeling himself. Again he tastes saltwater on his tongue, remembers his own hazy confusion, the miles of dark water. ] He electrocuted me. Like the spirit vines, but I guess it actually worked this time.
no subject
Do you know why? [ Why would this person kill Mako? It all sounds innocent, except that they're down there alone.
Did Eddie simply take advantage? Want to kill him for sport? Wu shudders at the thought. ]
no subject
[ Mako says it with a heavy sort of finality, his voice small and soft. ]
I talked to him, afterward. He put something up about it. Said it was this thing called a demon. Like a dark spirit. It was angry, and I was in the wrong place.
no subject
With a small flicker of a smile, Wu asks: ] I suppose it's time for the big question. How do you feel about that?
no subject
That is the big question, huh. I don't know. How did you feel after your family died?
no subject
He pulls back from Mako, just a little, wrapping his arms around himself. ]
Awful. Terrible. Like my life, the life I thought I had, was gone, was ripped away by a man who thought that me and my entire family didn't deserve to live.
[ He takes a shaky breath, and suddenly he's on his feet, pacing. He can't sit still, not when he lets himself dwell on this.
This isn't what he wanted, but if it's what Mako needs, he'll say it. He walks away, then spins around and meets Mako's eyes ] I didn't feel good for months. Maybe years. I was afraid, all the time, that they would come back and try to kill me. There was a hurt, deep in here, [ He pushes a hand over his chest ] that wouldn't stop. It's still there, sometimes, because they're still gone, they're still dead, and I'm still in danger because of the family I was born into.
I feel helpless. [ He takes a deep breath, his chest heaving, his eyes fixed on Mako. ] Because I can't do anything about it. Because the decisions I'm making put me at risk. Because now I'm in a place that's horrible and awful and maybe people don't care that I'm a king here, but they might hurt me or kill me for any other reason. Maybe for no reason.
That. That's how I felt. Feel.
no subject
There's so much pain and hurt and fear that Wu must cover up, or else how does he feel like this all the time? Mako is afraid that if he lets himself feel that he'll never stop. Like once he uncovers it, that's it. Wu won't think that Mako is someone who can protect him anymore, Bolin will know exactly how much Mako is just making this all up—
But he doesn't look away. He watches Wu through all of this, holding his gaze, taking in every word. Mako feels like he has to, both because he asked and also because he didn't know.
And he feels like he should have. There's so much there. Maybe Wu never asked about Mako, but Mako never asked about Wu either, really. Didn't feel like he had to because Wu is so free with this things, but obviously there are things he missed. ]
For what it's worth, [ because this is all he knows to say, here, this is the only thing Mako feels he can offer ] I'm going to do everything I can to make sure nothing happens to you. Or that if it does, you'll be okay afterwards. I don't like to make promises I can't keep, but. I promise you that.
no subject
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)