Because it my fault! [ Mako snaps, and it comes out louder than he meant it to, echoing off the walls. The carpet, at least, dampens some of the sound, but he winces back from his own words, grimacing hard. ] I'm smarter than that, that's not—
[ He sucks in a shaky breath, sits up a bit straighter and says to the opposite wall: ] If it's my fault, I can learn from it. If it's random, what am I supposed to do with that? I just died, and there was no meaning behind it and the fact that I can't stop thinking about how it felt means nothing.
Maybe you can still learn something from it. I learned a lot after my family was killed. Not about how to prevent it, but about myself. [ Wu watches him. He's holding a lot back, but this isn't about him. This is about Mako, Mako who bottles everything up inside himself until he's bursting. ] I never would have been able to make the decisions I did if I hadn't gone through that.
[ That's something Mako honestly hadn't thought about.
Wu had said something like it earlier, too, but Mako doesn't place a lot of weight on his feelings, still doesn't think they matter—feeling bad about his life as a kid didn't keep him or Bolin any safer. How much he hated working for the Triple Threats didn't change the fact that it was the best option for him.
He finally looks over, meets Wu's eyes, his face twisted and oddly unsure. ] What did you learn?
That my world could change. That what I knew wasn't necessarily the truth. [ Wu says quietly, holding his gaze. ] I don't think I would have learned that as quickly, or at all, if I hadn't experienced that.
[ Slowly, Wu nods. He gets that feeling. He gets that completely. He wasn't able to deal with his family's death for a long time after it happened.
He scoots closer to Mako. ] That's okay. I won't make you. But... I hope you can figure out how to deal with it, eventually. I don't want you to have to feel this way.
[ They're pressed together again, like this, and it sends that same wash of warmth through Mako. He leans into it, chasing the feeling, dropping his arm around Wu's shoulders with something like gratitude crashing over him like a wave. ]
Thank you.
[ It's a quiet little murmur, barely there, and then Mako turns his head just a bit and lets it drop against Wu's. ]
[ Wu laughs a little, and finally he lets himself shift into Mako, wrapping his arms around Mako's waist, hugging him close. Warmth rushes through Wu, and he lets his eyes close, just feeling Mako against him. ] It's exhausting, but I promise it'll make you feel better, later.
[ Mako doesn't hug people, as a rule, unless they do it first, which is usually the case with Bolin and Korra.
But now there's so much warmth, and he feels so much better, that he doesn't even stiffen up: he just leans into it with a quiet sigh, tightening his arm around Wu's shoulders. ] You, uh. You really know what you're talking about. With this stuff.
[ Wu laughs again, soft against his shoulder, more glad than Mako can probably know that Mako doesn't pull away. Wu needs this, maybe as much as Mako does. He's only been here for a few days, but he's scared and worried and alone, and Mako is here, and Wu needs to know that Mako wants him here, too. ] Yeah? I guess... had to learn. King stuff, you know.
Yeah, I don't think this is king stuff. [ Let him be impressed at you, Wu, it doesn't happen very often. Not unless he's really earned it, like right now. He tugs his legs up onto the couch, too, tugging Wu closer still until they're sort of half on top of each other. Would he do this outside this month? Probably not. Is he questioning it right now? Nope. ] This is—I don't know. You stuff.
Me stuff, huh? [ Wu snorts another laugh, giddy from the touch, the hug, from the conversation, as intense as it was. It was nice, telling Mako all that. All the things he's been working through for months. He trusts Mako with them, and it feels like a weight has been lifted. ] Well-- thanks. I meant it. I want you to feel okay. Even if not now, then eventually.
[ That again. Mako lets out a small puff of breath, damp and a little too warm—the fever has him running hotter than usual—and curls his fingers into Wu's jacket again. ] Why do you care about it?
[ Mako lets out a small, frustrated noise. He hates having to explain these questions, feels like Wu can see right through him. ] Why do you want me to be okay? Really.
[ It hurts a little, that Mako would have to ask him that. Wu thought it was obvious, that Mako knew that Wu cares about him. Maybe Deerington has made Mako question that.
Wu doesn't want to let go of him. He's too warm and comforting. And maybe it'll be easier for Mako if Wu doesn't look him in the eyes when he says this. ] Because you're my friend, and I want you to be happy.
[ It's not that Mako doesn't think they're friends. It's just that Mako doesn't think he's doing anything for Wu anymore. Protecting him, yes, but he doesn't really get why that translates to this patience.
Nobody, he is realizing, really asks him how he feels about things. Nobody presses like that, nobody gives him the words that they use. This is maybe a first, and Mako doesn't know how to take all that.
He pulls Wu closer with a quiet sound in his throat, pressing his head into the top of Wu's head. ]
[ That's almost too much for Wu. The raw emotion in Mako's voice wracks through him and Wu's breath hitches.
The last few days have been a lot. They've been painful, scary, terrifying. He was fighting for his country; he was captured, by Mako himself, and Bolin; he woke up in a strange place with strange people where terrible things happen; he learned that Mako had died, had been murdered.
It bubbles up into his throat and behind his eyes and his breath hitches. He holds Mako closer, fingers curling in the back of Mako's sweater, hiding his face in Mako's shoulder as hot tears prick his eyes. ]
[ A surprising number of people have cried around Mako since he got here, but the last time Wu cried in front of him was on the throne in Little Ba Sing Se, dramatic and heartbroken at his life being ripped away from him. Again, Mako realizes now.
This is a little different. A lot different, actually: Wu's tears are quieter now, and Mako kind of doesn't blame him for any of this. This is a heavy conversation in a heavy place, and there's no way out that they have under their own power.
He wraps his other arm around Wu, pulling him in like he does for Bolin, holding him as tight as he can. ]
[ At least Wu has Mako, and Mako is holding him close and opened up to him and Wu was able to say some things out loud that he's never said out loud before.
He holds on tight to Mako's waist and lets himself cry. It gives him a headache and makes his face hot and his nose runny, but the relief spreading through his chest is worth it.
Finally, the crying eases, and he pulls back a little with a laugh ] I got your shirt wet.
[ Mako surprises himself by laughing a little, after spending all that time just kind of letting Wu cry it out. ] That's fine. Laundry's a lot easier here. You seen the washing machines yet?
Washing machines? [ Wu laughs, dabbing at his eyes with the cuff of his suit. ] Whole machines to wash clothes? That's handy. I suppose I'll have to make do, doing it myself.
Have you ever washed clothes before? [ It could sound mean but right now it just kind of sounds soft and a little amused, especially with the smile on Mako's face. ] I can show you how to use it.
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[ He sucks in a shaky breath, sits up a bit straighter and says to the opposite wall: ] If it's my fault, I can learn from it. If it's random, what am I supposed to do with that? I just died, and there was no meaning behind it and the fact that I can't stop thinking about how it felt means nothing.
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You were a cop, didn't you see pointless pain and hurt doing that? It, it doesn't make what you're feeling any less important if it was random.
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[ No, Wu has a good point. Mako is perfectly well-acquainted with random pain and hurt. He huffs, settling back a little. ]
No. You're right, I did. I—my parents weren't killed for any reason. It was some desperate overpowered idiot making a shitty choice.
But I don't know what to do with it I can't learn from it.
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Wu had said something like it earlier, too, but Mako doesn't place a lot of weight on his feelings, still doesn't think they matter—feeling bad about his life as a kid didn't keep him or Bolin any safer. How much he hated working for the Triple Threats didn't change the fact that it was the best option for him.
He finally looks over, meets Wu's eyes, his face twisted and oddly unsure. ] What did you learn?
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His face shifts probably five times, from sadness to frustration to anger, all over the place.
He doesn't know how to do what Wu is asking him to. Those memories are like a pit inside him, twisting and black, too painful to touch.
Finally, he says, in a small voice, holding Wu's eyes: ] If I. Let myself talk about this.
I don't.
[ Mako has to drag in a steadying breath halfway through his sentence, makes himself keep holding Wu's eyes. ]
I don't know if I can stop. Feeling it.
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He scoots closer to Mako. ] That's okay. I won't make you. But... I hope you can figure out how to deal with it, eventually. I don't want you to have to feel this way.
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Thank you.
[ It's a quiet little murmur, barely there, and then Mako turns his head just a bit and lets it drop against Wu's. ]
Is doing this supposed to be so tiring?
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But now there's so much warmth, and he feels so much better, that he doesn't even stiffen up: he just leans into it with a quiet sigh, tightening his arm around Wu's shoulders. ] You, uh. You really know what you're talking about. With this stuff.
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Wu doesn't want to let go of him. He's too warm and comforting. And maybe it'll be easier for Mako if Wu doesn't look him in the eyes when he says this. ] Because you're my friend, and I want you to be happy.
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Nobody, he is realizing, really asks him how he feels about things. Nobody presses like that, nobody gives him the words that they use. This is maybe a first, and Mako doesn't know how to take all that.
He pulls Wu closer with a quiet sound in his throat, pressing his head into the top of Wu's head. ]
Thank you.
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The last few days have been a lot. They've been painful, scary, terrifying. He was fighting for his country; he was captured, by Mako himself, and Bolin; he woke up in a strange place with strange people where terrible things happen; he learned that Mako had died, had been murdered.
It bubbles up into his throat and behind his eyes and his breath hitches. He holds Mako closer, fingers curling in the back of Mako's sweater, hiding his face in Mako's shoulder as hot tears prick his eyes. ]
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This is a little different. A lot different, actually: Wu's tears are quieter now, and Mako kind of doesn't blame him for any of this. This is a heavy conversation in a heavy place, and there's no way out that they have under their own power.
He wraps his other arm around Wu, pulling him in like he does for Bolin, holding him as tight as he can. ]
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He holds on tight to Mako's waist and lets himself cry. It gives him a headache and makes his face hot and his nose runny, but the relief spreading through his chest is worth it.
Finally, the crying eases, and he pulls back a little with a laugh ] I got your shirt wet.
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