[ Mako cuts himself off with a frustrated noise, especially since the fire in the room he just walked into flared up as soon as he walked into it. Nope. Control those emotions. He can't let that keep happening. ]
It is better. It wasn't like I specifically didn't tell you, I just. Didn't think it was relevant, or important, and I wasn't about to broadcast to everybody that I was basically a sitting gooseduck.
[ Wu yelps at the flare of the fire, jumping back toward Mako. ] Oookay. Maybe we don't go near the fire. We can go to one of the other, colder rooms.
[ He turns on his heel and walks the other way out of the sitting room ] Everyone seems to have found out anyway. They're a nosy bunch, aren't they?
[ He lets out a breath, and turns around to look at Mako, walking backwards ] It just seems like a key piece of information, and it's not like I'm going to threaten you, Mako! As you love reminding me, I'm completely incapable of hurting anyone.
[ Mako's cheeks are burning. Slightly from fever and slightly from embarrassment: the last time he lost control like that, in such a tiny way, was when he first got here, when his bending was barely his own.
He's supposed to be better than this, and it stings, watching Wu flinch and retreat.
Still. He follows, mute for a moment, turning the words over in his head. ]
Very nosy, and I don't see why everyone's so torn up about it. It happened. Them bringing me soup and asking how I feel isn't going to change the fact that it happened.
[ Wu's shoulders are so thin. The thought comes out of nowhere, and disappears a moment later, leaving Mako frowning at him as he walks. ] I don't think you're a threat, but you have to see that it's stupid to just let everyone know how weak you are. These symptoms are public knowledge. It'd be easy to take advantage of.
A lot of people seem to know you're sick anyway. [ Wu points out with a frown. He watches Mako's face as he flips on the lights in yet another sitting room, this one noticeably colder, and drops down onto a couch. ]
You can't change the fact that it happened, but you must have some sort of feeling about it, right? You're not the emotionless automaton you like to pretend you are. I've seen you have emotions, Mako. Everyone has them! I know if I had been murdered and came back to life, I would be pretty torn up about it. I was from when I was kidnapped, and you saved me, then!
[ They do, and Mako's kind of annoyed about that. He tried to only tell the people who really wouldn't leave well enough alone, but it seems like a lot of people found out anyway, despite his efforts.
It is a mistake he will not be repeating, he tells himself, following Wu into the room. It really is cold in this massive house. It prickles along his skin, too-sensitive from the fever, and retreats only slightly when he sighs and sits down heavily beside Wu.
The carpet in here is just as ornate as the rest of the house. Mako spends a moment just staring at it, watching the swirls of color and tasting salt and ozone in his own mouth all over again.
The silence is heavy, settling, and Mako sucks in a small breath and makes a mistake: he looks up at Wu.
Sees the concern on his face and flinches, a little bit, glancing away again just as quickly. ]
I—don't know what you want me to say here, Wu. I don't break down about stuff like this. I can't.
[ So, so many reasons, Mako thinks, but the words stick in his throat, thick and hard to get through. Wu's hand is a little cold, his fingers long and thin. Mako doesn't flip his hand over, but he doesn't move away, either.
He doesn't want to talk about this. ] Because what I feel about it doesn't change anything. It doesn't matter. The second my feelings get involved, things get messy. Look at Korra and Asami. If all I'm doing is sitting here feeling things about what's happening, I'm not fixing anything.
Just because it doesn't change anything doesn't mean it doesn't matter. [ Wu says quietly, watching Mako under the soft electric lights.
He should drop it. Mako doesn't like prying, clearly. But questions are on the tip of Wu's tongue, and he's never been very good at holding himself back. ] I think dating is a little different than murder, Mako. And Korra and Asami love you, even if you're not dating them anymore. That's a stupid argument.
The fact that Eddie got possessed enough to murder someone he didn't know in the first place.
[ Because that is how Mako deals with problems: he deals with them. He doesn't think about how he feels about them.
He tells himself this is because his feelings don't matter. He tells himself that how he feels doesn't change a single thing, because historically, that has been true.
But really, somewhere underneath there—in a part of himself Mako ist just starting to see—he is afraid that if he lets himself feel about this one thing, he'll never stop. That the waves that have been building for years will crash over him all at once, and drown him, and he can't handle the idea of that, so he shoves it down and down and pretends like it doesn't matter.
But his voice is thick and tight. The tide is coming in, slowly. ]
I'm looking into it. Figure out how to pull somebody out of it if it's going to happen again. Raleigh has a point. We can't just let it continue.
[ Another shaking breath, smaller, sharper, like he's sucking in air. ] I don't know how I feel about it. I died. I'm back. I shouldn't be.
So that's who did it. [ Wu murmurs, squeezing Mako's hand tighter. The contact is nice, calming. Wu hopes Mako feels the same.
He watches Mako's face. ] No, we can't. That shouldn't have happened to you. I'm sorry it did. I know I couldn't have done anything, I wasn't even here, but I wish it hadn't happened.
I want you to be okay. [ I want to take care of you, he doesn't say, but he means ] I think you'll feel better if you talk about it.
When my family was killed, I didn't talk about it for a long time. I didn't have anyone to tell, and it hurt. Even if I didn't like most of them, they were still my family, they were everything I had, and they were gone, taken by people who thought they knew better than us how the world should work.
[ He takes a breath, looking down at their hands. ] I never did get to talk about it. But I wrote about it, in my journal. And that helped. I figured out how I felt about it, and that gave me a lot of clarity. I was able to understand why I felt hurt, angry, and relieved all at once. I knew what I needed to do, because I let myself feel. It hurt, to feel all that. But I came out better for it.
So, I suppose I should't be forcing you to tell me how you feel. But I hope that you can figure it out yourself, because you might feel the same way. You might be able to understand what it means to you, what you can do with it now.
[ Wu bites his lip, then opens his mouth to say more before shutting it.
That was a lot to say. The words hang in the air, and he almost wishes he could reach out and grab them and pull them back into himself. ]
He's never heard Wu talk like that: not so openly, not so personally, not about things like that. Wu puts on this face, as far as Mako can see. He smiles and he laughs and he throws himself into the things in life that bring him joy. He doesn't dwell on what Mako remembers sometimes: that for him to be the King, there had to be nobody else.
That he was thrust into this role because he was the only one, and had to make do with it.
Maybe that's why Wu sticks in his head sometimes. There's always more to people than they show the world. Mako had made the mistake, at first, of thinking that everything Wu said was what he was, but after everything, he knows that isn't true.
He just didn't expect to hear so much about it. It tugs at something in him, his breath, his heart, pulling it against the cage of his ribs until he feels full with something.
Carefully, without thinking about it too hard, Mako lifts his hand out from under Wu's and drapes it around his shoulder instead. Some of that tension, all at once, eases away, and Mako tugs him closer still, his breath catching hard, until Wu is practically pressed against his side. ]
I.
[ His voice is so thick. He swallows, tries again, feeling everything settle just a little bit. A tension that Mako didn't even know was there is starting to leech away. ] I didn't know any of that. About your family. I knew they died, but— you weren't that close with them?
[ Wu makes a small noise when Mako pulls him close.
That's unexpected.
But the same calm fills him up, letting him lean into Mako's side, feeling his arm around Wu's shoulders, strong and solid. He pulls his legs up under him and presses closer, letting his eyes falls shut for a second. ]
No. Not close. You met my Great-Aunt. She wasn't a very... friendly person.
I was closer with my cousins. They were nice, fun.
[ He looks up at Mako again. ] But even with them, it was pretty lonely. It's hard to make friends when everyone just sees you as a Prince, or a King.
[ Mako shouldn't ask, really, because it's obviously a painful subject, but it's easier to think about that than it is about any of the other things Wu said. About what would happen if he did talk about it, finally.
And Wu is close and oddly familiar. Mako lets out a slow, soft breath and lets his head drop to the side, pushing his cheek against the soft puff of Wu's hair. ]
It sounds hard. When I first met you—that was your whole personality.
[ That feels nice, and Wu feels the emotion in his chest.
His family. It's been almost four years since he lost them, but the wound is still raw. ] They were killed in the riots. I was only lucky because I was at school when the Red Lotus attacked.
[ The next thing Mako says gives his pause. It's true. It's true because he hurt so much, there was too much pain and confusion and ambiguity to face head on. ] Yes, I suppose it was. No one really gave me a chance to be anything else.
I didn't give myself a chance to be anything else.
[ Why be anything but honest? Wu knows how Mako felt about him. He tried to keep his impressions under wraps but it was hard.
He can, at least, explain himself. Wu deserves that from him. ]
I'm sorry. I know what it's like, to lose your whole family. It's hard. It's always hard.
[ Wu's head is solid and warm on his shoulder, and it's nothing like David leaning on him. David leaning on him made Mako's skin prickle, made him too aware of everything. Wu leaning on him is... softer, somehow. Easier. Maybe because Mako invited him here, maybe because his thin shoulder is familiar under Mako's palm. ]
When you were acting like that—I mean, you acted like the only thing about you that mattered was your money. And your power. And I— it was hard. To be around, for me.
[ Wu nods. In this big house, it feels like this room, this couch, is all that there is. Wu doesn't remember the last time that someone held him like this. It might have been years. Probably since his family passed away. Maybe longer. ]
You lost your family too? [ He asks softly. He wants to reach out and touch Mako more, but he's not sure how to, not sure where to put his hands. ] But you have your Grandma and cousins, and...
[ It doesn't really matter, does it? What family you have left, if you lost people that matter to you. ]
It was all that mattered. [ He says it matter-of-factly. It wasn't too hard to swallow. He knows what it means, to be born into the family he was born into. ] That's the only reason that people wanted me to be safe, was because I'm the only Hou-Ting left. I suppose it was easier, to be that person. [ Than to be himself. Himself is much too vulnerable to have dealt with everything, then. ]
[ Mako can't fathom that. Sure, the person he could have been has been smothered under the weight of everything he's gone through but it happened so young that Mako has, maybe, forgotten that person ever could exist. He's just him, trying to be good for his brother, trying to be there for the people he loves, trying to keep them all safe and out of trouble in a world that seems to conspire to get them into it.
It's one thing, maybe, that Mako is lucky in: even when he had to swallow his anger and his opinions around the Triple Threats, even when he had to dress up fancy just to go on a date with Asami, Mako has always been Mako. Even if for a long time he didn't know who that was. Even if he still doesn't. ]
I like you better this way. When you're just... you.
[ Not that it matters terribly whether or not Mako likes him, he thinks, but it seems to be important to Wu, so he wants to make that very clear: this is the Wu he prefers, soft and smart and way too perceptive. Surprising, occasionally, even though Mako has spent a lot of time with him. Everything he said about his feelings and his journal, figuring out what they were so he could move on—Wu has a lot to him. ]
We only found out that Grandma and all our cousins existed three years ago. Right, uh. Right before the riots, actually, when we were in Ba Sing Se with Korra. Before that—our parents died when I was eight, and there was nobody else to take us in.
[ He chews on his lips, considering that. He's trying to be more honest, with himself, with others. ] Because I'm not really cut out to be a King. I'm not the sort of person who should do that. I don't think I'm a very good leader.
[ And he particularly didn't think that three years ago. He's better now. ]
Thank you. I, that means a lot. And thanks for putting up with me all those years. [ He nudges Mako in the side with a soft, humorless laugh ]
Oh. [ Wu didn't know that. Wu didn't know that at all.
He finally shifts, just enough to look at Mako. ] I lost mine when I was 12.
[ But at least he had his Great-Aunt and his uncle and the Palace. He had people to take care of him. ] You were by yourselves?
Well, that's why you're stepping down, right? If you were sticking around and you thought you were a bad leader that would be a different story. I think you're doing the right thing.
[ Even if Guan doesn't agree. Mako just yanks him a little closer, because now they're doing this and he feels so much better, isn't thinking about it quite enough to figure out that it's weird and that he doesn't do this and should stop.
But some things are slotting into place for Mako that he didn't realize were out of place: the sadness on Wu's face sometimes, when he thinks nobody else is looking, all the letters, how quickly he latched onto Mako and Team Avatar. It's what Bolin does, too, yanks everyone around him as close as possible because otherwise he's alone. ]
Yeah. Just me and Bo. Our parents had a shop, but—they were killed. Firebenders. Happened to plenty of kids in the city, and the police and the council weren't handling it at all. A lot of us slipped through the cracks, ended up on the street.
So. I know what it's like, is what I'm saying. I'm glad you had the rest of your family after they died.
[ Wu has to close his eyes again, taking in the flood of calm and warmth that flows through him. Did it always feel this good, to be hugged? He doesn't remember, but he's not going to question it. It feels good and Mako is close and Mako is here and Wu has no idea what he would do without Mako here. ]
Thanks. I think so too. [ He's sure in his conviction, for once. But it doesn't hurt that Mako agrees with him. Wu thinks, sometimes, about how much he wants that, for Mako to approve of him. He shouldn't, he shouldn't care, but he does. He does a lot more than Mako knows. ]
On the street. That, that's awful. [ And explains a lot about Mako. How he refuses to rely on anyone, how he doesn't trust easily, how he seems uncomfortable a lot of the time when he's around Wu and his life of luxury.
How he refuses to talk about this whole being-murdered thing. ] Mako... I don't know what it's like, what you've been through here. But I want to try to understand. If you can trust me with that, I promise I won't betray that trust. [ It's a gamble, but it's true. Wu has taken a lot from Mako in the last few years. He's not sure if he can ever repay Mako, but he wants to try. Mako means so much to him, and he just wants to be able to do something for him in return. ]
[ Mako drags in another one of those shaky little breaths.
He hasn't even really talked to Bolin about it, honestly. He doesn't want to make Bolin worry, doesn't want to be a source of stress for him when Mako's supposed to be the one keeping that kind of thing from him, keeping him safe and alive and happy.
And he's not sure it's even about trust. Maybe it isn't. Maybe it's about habit. Maybe he doesn't know how to talk about it, doesn't have the right words or the right feelings or the right thoughts to express it.
But Wu's asking Mako to trust him. Wu knows exactly what it's like to look death in the face, Wu knows what it's like, apparently, to be alone. To have nobody else, to have to stand on your own feet and put on a face to the world that says "I'm fine" even though you're probably not fine.
He huffs, almost like a laugh, flat and short. Wu is so good with his words. How had Mako forgotten? ]
I died.
[ His voice is flat, as flat as he can get it, to keep it from shaking. ]
And I remember it. It's—I don't even know. Where to start.
How about at the beginning? [ Wu offers quietly, like talking too loud will break this fragile moment between them.
He wants to know. He has a curiosity in him, that he channels into learning and thinking, but there's something about Mako in particular that's started peaking his curiosity recently. Since everything in Republic City, in their letters and conversations since, since Mako started working for him. There's something else there, someone else that Wu is only just getting to know. ] What led to you, ah, dying?
[ Mako's glad for the offer. Glad for the place to start, and for Wu, although he doesn't quite put it into those words in his own head.
Even if it's slow, the words just as quiet as he picks them one by one from his own head. ]
Korra... left. Disappeared.
[ His fingers curl around Wu's shoulder, into the stiff fabric of his jacket. ] Right in front of me. I didn't tell Bolin. She just—exploded. Into dust. It was like she got ripped apart.
I had to ask someone what that meant, but I knew she was gone, really. I went down to the trench—
[ Another shaky breath. ] In October, I turned into this... thing. Made out of fire. It was like being brainwashed. Like I was trapped in my head watching it try to burn down the town.
I didn't want that to happen again, so I went to the coldest place I could think of.
Did it work? [ Wu asks quietly. He presses closer, firm against his side.
He knows she's gone, that she left. Of course that would hurt Mako. He remembers how hurt Mako that Korra disappeared before, and she doesn't even have the ability to write to Mako this time. That's probably better. That way Mako can't be disappointed. ] Going down there?
I mean, I can't firebend when I'm underwater. Did I tell you about that? There are these fruits growing down there. If you eat them—I'm not making this up—your legs turn into a tail and you can breathe underwater. It's like you become part-fish.
[ His voice is a little stronger, telling Wu about that, because he thinks Wu will actually be kind of fascinated by it. ]
That's where it happened, anyway. Under the water, way out in the ocean. I just... swam, until I ran into Eddie. I should've known something was up. He was acting weird.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ Mako cuts himself off with a frustrated noise, especially since the fire in the room he just walked into flared up as soon as he walked into it. Nope. Control those emotions. He can't let that keep happening. ]
It is better. It wasn't like I specifically didn't tell you, I just. Didn't think it was relevant, or important, and I wasn't about to broadcast to everybody that I was basically a sitting gooseduck.
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[ He turns on his heel and walks the other way out of the sitting room ] Everyone seems to have found out anyway. They're a nosy bunch, aren't they?
[ He lets out a breath, and turns around to look at Mako, walking backwards ] It just seems like a key piece of information, and it's not like I'm going to threaten you, Mako! As you love reminding me, I'm completely incapable of hurting anyone.
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He's supposed to be better than this, and it stings, watching Wu flinch and retreat.
Still. He follows, mute for a moment, turning the words over in his head. ]
Very nosy, and I don't see why everyone's so torn up about it. It happened. Them bringing me soup and asking how I feel isn't going to change the fact that it happened.
[ Wu's shoulders are so thin. The thought comes out of nowhere, and disappears a moment later, leaving Mako frowning at him as he walks. ] I don't think you're a threat, but you have to see that it's stupid to just let everyone know how weak you are. These symptoms are public knowledge. It'd be easy to take advantage of.
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You can't change the fact that it happened, but you must have some sort of feeling about it, right? You're not the emotionless automaton you like to pretend you are. I've seen you have emotions, Mako. Everyone has them! I know if I had been murdered and came back to life, I would be pretty torn up about it. I was from when I was kidnapped, and you saved me, then!
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It is a mistake he will not be repeating, he tells himself, following Wu into the room. It really is cold in this massive house. It prickles along his skin, too-sensitive from the fever, and retreats only slightly when he sighs and sits down heavily beside Wu.
The carpet in here is just as ornate as the rest of the house. Mako spends a moment just staring at it, watching the swirls of color and tasting salt and ozone in his own mouth all over again.
The silence is heavy, settling, and Mako sucks in a small breath and makes a mistake: he looks up at Wu.
Sees the concern on his face and flinches, a little bit, glancing away again just as quickly. ]
I—don't know what you want me to say here, Wu. I don't break down about stuff like this. I can't.
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Honestly, even that is more than he thought he would get out of Mako.
After a moment's hesitation, Wu reaches over, dropping his hand on Mako's. ]
Why not? Why aren't you allowed to, when other people are?
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He doesn't want to talk about this. ] Because what I feel about it doesn't change anything. It doesn't matter. The second my feelings get involved, things get messy. Look at Korra and Asami. If all I'm doing is sitting here feeling things about what's happening, I'm not fixing anything.
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He should drop it. Mako doesn't like prying, clearly. But questions are on the tip of Wu's tongue, and he's never been very good at holding himself back. ] I think dating is a little different than murder, Mako. And Korra and Asami love you, even if you're not dating them anymore. That's a stupid argument.
What do you want to fix?
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[ Because that is how Mako deals with problems: he deals with them. He doesn't think about how he feels about them.
He tells himself this is because his feelings don't matter. He tells himself that how he feels doesn't change a single thing, because historically, that has been true.
But really, somewhere underneath there—in a part of himself Mako ist just starting to see—he is afraid that if he lets himself feel about this one thing, he'll never stop. That the waves that have been building for years will crash over him all at once, and drown him, and he can't handle the idea of that, so he shoves it down and down and pretends like it doesn't matter.
But his voice is thick and tight. The tide is coming in, slowly. ]
I'm looking into it. Figure out how to pull somebody out of it if it's going to happen again. Raleigh has a point. We can't just let it continue.
[ Another shaking breath, smaller, sharper, like he's sucking in air. ] I don't know how I feel about it. I died. I'm back. I shouldn't be.
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He watches Mako's face. ] No, we can't. That shouldn't have happened to you. I'm sorry it did. I know I couldn't have done anything, I wasn't even here, but I wish it hadn't happened.
I want you to be okay. [ I want to take care of you, he doesn't say, but he means ] I think you'll feel better if you talk about it.
When my family was killed, I didn't talk about it for a long time. I didn't have anyone to tell, and it hurt. Even if I didn't like most of them, they were still my family, they were everything I had, and they were gone, taken by people who thought they knew better than us how the world should work.
[ He takes a breath, looking down at their hands. ] I never did get to talk about it. But I wrote about it, in my journal. And that helped. I figured out how I felt about it, and that gave me a lot of clarity. I was able to understand why I felt hurt, angry, and relieved all at once. I knew what I needed to do, because I let myself feel. It hurt, to feel all that. But I came out better for it.
So, I suppose I should't be forcing you to tell me how you feel. But I hope that you can figure it out yourself, because you might feel the same way. You might be able to understand what it means to you, what you can do with it now.
[ Wu bites his lip, then opens his mouth to say more before shutting it.
That was a lot to say. The words hang in the air, and he almost wishes he could reach out and grab them and pull them back into himself. ]
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He's never heard Wu talk like that: not so openly, not so personally, not about things like that. Wu puts on this face, as far as Mako can see. He smiles and he laughs and he throws himself into the things in life that bring him joy. He doesn't dwell on what Mako remembers sometimes: that for him to be the King, there had to be nobody else.
That he was thrust into this role because he was the only one, and had to make do with it.
Maybe that's why Wu sticks in his head sometimes. There's always more to people than they show the world. Mako had made the mistake, at first, of thinking that everything Wu said was what he was, but after everything, he knows that isn't true.
He just didn't expect to hear so much about it. It tugs at something in him, his breath, his heart, pulling it against the cage of his ribs until he feels full with something.
Carefully, without thinking about it too hard, Mako lifts his hand out from under Wu's and drapes it around his shoulder instead. Some of that tension, all at once, eases away, and Mako tugs him closer still, his breath catching hard, until Wu is practically pressed against his side. ]
I.
[ His voice is so thick. He swallows, tries again, feeling everything settle just a little bit. A tension that Mako didn't even know was there is starting to leech away. ] I didn't know any of that. About your family. I knew they died, but— you weren't that close with them?
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That's unexpected.
But the same calm fills him up, letting him lean into Mako's side, feeling his arm around Wu's shoulders, strong and solid. He pulls his legs up under him and presses closer, letting his eyes falls shut for a second. ]
No. Not close. You met my Great-Aunt. She wasn't a very... friendly person.
I was closer with my cousins. They were nice, fun.
[ He looks up at Mako again. ] But even with them, it was pretty lonely. It's hard to make friends when everyone just sees you as a Prince, or a King.
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[ Mako shouldn't ask, really, because it's obviously a painful subject, but it's easier to think about that than it is about any of the other things Wu said. About what would happen if he did talk about it, finally.
And Wu is close and oddly familiar. Mako lets out a slow, soft breath and lets his head drop to the side, pushing his cheek against the soft puff of Wu's hair. ]
It sounds hard. When I first met you—that was your whole personality.
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His family. It's been almost four years since he lost them, but the wound is still raw. ] They were killed in the riots. I was only lucky because I was at school when the Red Lotus attacked.
[ The next thing Mako says gives his pause. It's true. It's true because he hurt so much, there was too much pain and confusion and ambiguity to face head on. ] Yes, I suppose it was. No one really gave me a chance to be anything else.
I didn't give myself a chance to be anything else.
[ He's quiet again for a moment, before saying: ]
You didn't like me.
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[ Why be anything but honest? Wu knows how Mako felt about him. He tried to keep his impressions under wraps but it was hard.
He can, at least, explain himself. Wu deserves that from him. ]
I'm sorry. I know what it's like, to lose your whole family. It's hard. It's always hard.
[ Wu's head is solid and warm on his shoulder, and it's nothing like David leaning on him. David leaning on him made Mako's skin prickle, made him too aware of everything. Wu leaning on him is... softer, somehow. Easier. Maybe because Mako invited him here, maybe because his thin shoulder is familiar under Mako's palm. ]
When you were acting like that—I mean, you acted like the only thing about you that mattered was your money. And your power. And I— it was hard. To be around, for me.
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You lost your family too? [ He asks softly. He wants to reach out and touch Mako more, but he's not sure how to, not sure where to put his hands. ] But you have your Grandma and cousins, and...
[ It doesn't really matter, does it? What family you have left, if you lost people that matter to you. ]
It was all that mattered. [ He says it matter-of-factly. It wasn't too hard to swallow. He knows what it means, to be born into the family he was born into. ] That's the only reason that people wanted me to be safe, was because I'm the only Hou-Ting left. I suppose it was easier, to be that person. [ Than to be himself. Himself is much too vulnerable to have dealt with everything, then. ]
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[ Mako can't fathom that. Sure, the person he could have been has been smothered under the weight of everything he's gone through but it happened so young that Mako has, maybe, forgotten that person ever could exist. He's just him, trying to be good for his brother, trying to be there for the people he loves, trying to keep them all safe and out of trouble in a world that seems to conspire to get them into it.
It's one thing, maybe, that Mako is lucky in: even when he had to swallow his anger and his opinions around the Triple Threats, even when he had to dress up fancy just to go on a date with Asami, Mako has always been Mako. Even if for a long time he didn't know who that was. Even if he still doesn't. ]
I like you better this way. When you're just... you.
[ Not that it matters terribly whether or not Mako likes him, he thinks, but it seems to be important to Wu, so he wants to make that very clear: this is the Wu he prefers, soft and smart and way too perceptive. Surprising, occasionally, even though Mako has spent a lot of time with him. Everything he said about his feelings and his journal, figuring out what they were so he could move on—Wu has a lot to him. ]
We only found out that Grandma and all our cousins existed three years ago. Right, uh. Right before the riots, actually, when we were in Ba Sing Se with Korra. Before that—our parents died when I was eight, and there was nobody else to take us in.
[ He doesn't say any more than that. Not yet. ]
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[ And he particularly didn't think that three years ago. He's better now. ]
Thank you. I, that means a lot. And thanks for putting up with me all those years. [ He nudges Mako in the side with a soft, humorless laugh ]
Oh. [ Wu didn't know that. Wu didn't know that at all.
He finally shifts, just enough to look at Mako. ] I lost mine when I was 12.
[ But at least he had his Great-Aunt and his uncle and the Palace. He had people to take care of him. ] You were by yourselves?
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[ Even if Guan doesn't agree. Mako just yanks him a little closer, because now they're doing this and he feels so much better, isn't thinking about it quite enough to figure out that it's weird and that he doesn't do this and should stop.
But some things are slotting into place for Mako that he didn't realize were out of place: the sadness on Wu's face sometimes, when he thinks nobody else is looking, all the letters, how quickly he latched onto Mako and Team Avatar. It's what Bolin does, too, yanks everyone around him as close as possible because otherwise he's alone. ]
Yeah. Just me and Bo. Our parents had a shop, but—they were killed. Firebenders. Happened to plenty of kids in the city, and the police and the council weren't handling it at all. A lot of us slipped through the cracks, ended up on the street.
So. I know what it's like, is what I'm saying. I'm glad you had the rest of your family after they died.
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Thanks. I think so too. [ He's sure in his conviction, for once. But it doesn't hurt that Mako agrees with him. Wu thinks, sometimes, about how much he wants that, for Mako to approve of him. He shouldn't, he shouldn't care, but he does. He does a lot more than Mako knows. ]
On the street. That, that's awful. [ And explains a lot about Mako. How he refuses to rely on anyone, how he doesn't trust easily, how he seems uncomfortable a lot of the time when he's around Wu and his life of luxury.
How he refuses to talk about this whole being-murdered thing. ] Mako... I don't know what it's like, what you've been through here. But I want to try to understand. If you can trust me with that, I promise I won't betray that trust. [ It's a gamble, but it's true. Wu has taken a lot from Mako in the last few years. He's not sure if he can ever repay Mako, but he wants to try. Mako means so much to him, and he just wants to be able to do something for him in return. ]
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He hasn't even really talked to Bolin about it, honestly. He doesn't want to make Bolin worry, doesn't want to be a source of stress for him when Mako's supposed to be the one keeping that kind of thing from him, keeping him safe and alive and happy.
And he's not sure it's even about trust. Maybe it isn't. Maybe it's about habit. Maybe he doesn't know how to talk about it, doesn't have the right words or the right feelings or the right thoughts to express it.
But Wu's asking Mako to trust him. Wu knows exactly what it's like to look death in the face, Wu knows what it's like, apparently, to be alone. To have nobody else, to have to stand on your own feet and put on a face to the world that says "I'm fine" even though you're probably not fine.
He huffs, almost like a laugh, flat and short. Wu is so good with his words. How had Mako forgotten? ]
I died.
[ His voice is flat, as flat as he can get it, to keep it from shaking. ]
And I remember it. It's—I don't even know. Where to start.
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He wants to know. He has a curiosity in him, that he channels into learning and thinking, but there's something about Mako in particular that's started peaking his curiosity recently. Since everything in Republic City, in their letters and conversations since, since Mako started working for him. There's something else there, someone else that Wu is only just getting to know. ] What led to you, ah, dying?
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Even if it's slow, the words just as quiet as he picks them one by one from his own head. ]
Korra... left. Disappeared.
[ His fingers curl around Wu's shoulder, into the stiff fabric of his jacket. ] Right in front of me. I didn't tell Bolin. She just—exploded. Into dust. It was like she got ripped apart.
I had to ask someone what that meant, but I knew she was gone, really. I went down to the trench—
[ Another shaky breath. ] In October, I turned into this... thing. Made out of fire. It was like being brainwashed. Like I was trapped in my head watching it try to burn down the town.
I didn't want that to happen again, so I went to the coldest place I could think of.
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He knows she's gone, that she left. Of course that would hurt Mako. He remembers how hurt Mako that Korra disappeared before, and she doesn't even have the ability to write to Mako this time. That's probably better. That way Mako can't be disappointed. ] Going down there?
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[ His voice is a little stronger, telling Wu about that, because he thinks Wu will actually be kind of fascinated by it. ]
That's where it happened, anyway. Under the water, way out in the ocean. I just... swam, until I ran into Eddie. I should've known something was up. He was acting weird.
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