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[ Mako doesn't... exactly mean to smack it audibly into his outstretched hands. He is jerky and clumsy with relief and anger all at once, basically slams it into Manabu's palms with a rough sound. ]

You dropped your damn gun when that thing—

That's what did it, right?

[ The most awful thing: becoming something you hate, causing pain. It's Mako's nightmare, very literally, plays itself out in destruction and fire in his dreams. He'd felt so helpless, hates that he can imagine how Manabu must have felt if he was aware at all. And Mako couldn't do anything. Didn't do anything.

He's angry, mostly, at himself. ]

[Manabu wasn't expecting such a rough pass, and he's not very dexterous in this moment, so it's inevitable that the bundle drops to the ground with a clatter and a hitching of his breath. his heart skips a beat with an unexpected pulse of fear that he has to quickly swallow back down, unable to register what it is Mako asks in the moment.

after a hesitation, he crouches down, pulling at the tie and exposing the gun. he stares at it as though it were something foreign to him for a beat before carefully picking it up in both hands, staring at it for a few seconds more before something clicks and he...turns the safety on.

click.]

[ Mako almost flinches at that click, manages to keep himself steady out of sheer force of will. Manabu looks like a lost puppy or something, crouching there with this weapon in his hands. ]

I'm... not gonna ask if you're okay.

[thank goodness for that - Manabu wouldn't have anything good to say, and even less of a chance to say it well.

guilt weighs him down like an anchor, and it makes it feel nigh impossible to get back to his feet... so he doesn't. his eyes stay on the gun in his hand as the last time he held it bubbles back to the surface of his mind. he knew he hurt Mako - almost killed him - but upon waking from death, it was more just an understanding without details than a proper memory. even now, he can't properly paint that moment, not with the way fear was strangling his psyche, not with how he was physically being strangled by the avatar of his own loneliness.

if you stay, he will die.]

...You should've...run.

[his voice is barely above a mutter, and his words are slow, like someone just learning to form them properly. true to form, he's been able to get on his feet faster than getting speech remastered, and that would suit him better if he wasn't having to catch up with Mako.

he swallows.]

Coulda. Killed you.

Wouldn't've been the first thing. Won't be the last.

[ Mako says it like the implacable fact it is, at least in his own mind. He stares down at Manabu for a few moments, then sighs, runs a hand through his too-long hair, and drops down beside him, opting for the steps he was sitting on instead of the ground. He's still angry, but he has no right to be: it isn't like he made a promise to Manabu like he did to Korra that he'd follow him into any fight.

It's just that, at some point, he had. He just hadn't said it out loud.

How could he not? Manabu woke to a worsening nightmare and immediately shoved himself into trying to help, failed at that because they all failed. Failed as much as Mako did to keep everything together and functioning, and still he's trying because there's no other choice. Maybe it's his familiar tenacity. Maybe it's the amount of times they've been in trouble together.

Maybe it's that Mako looks at Manabu and sees something so familiar in gritted teeth and tenacity, in how hard he's trying.

He lets out a slow breath, tries to let go of his pointless anger that isn't really anger anyway, it's the fact that Mako couldn't do a single thing to prevent this. ]

Would you have? Left, if I told you to?

[there's a tightening in his chest, an extra weight of dread set upon him as Mako moves to sit near him. it's the wrong feeling to have and he knows it, and it's what stays him in place for a few beats after Mako even speaks again.

Manabu slowly shifts off his haunches and sits on that bottom step, drawing the gun and fabric into his lap. he's so relieved...something of his actually remains; his heart has been breaking over and over again as he futilely, feebly searches for the satchel that has Bruce's harmonica, so having this last bit of connection to home is even more significant.

one last thread.]

Mmh-? [the question finally processes, but Manabu doesn't understand it. his brow furrows and he glances over the bridge of his nose Mako's way.] Left...where?

[ Quietly, patiently, Mako repeats himself, shifting a little closer to Manabu like one might toward a skittish cat: let him approach you, don't move too fast. He just got back from the dead, and he's jumpy on a good day. ]

If I'd been the one telling you to leave while I stayed behind to get ripped apart by monsters, would you have listened to me?

[...oh. he means...if that moment was reversed. his eyes wince. ripped apart by monsters...is that what happened?

no, that...that wasn't it. Childe did it. he said so. but maybe that detail isn't really what Mako's on about. he just means...]

...N...no.

[probably not. not if he saw a chance to help. and only if he knew he could've gotten help from someone stronger, someone better.]

Yeah.

[ Mako shoves his knee into the side of Manabu's, his voice like a blunt weapon. ]

That's what I thought. I'm trying to be a good person here, and that means not leaving friends behind in the woods to die. Got that?

[Manabu doesn't seem too fidgety right now - more sluggish than anything, contrary to his usual, jumpy self. his head turns back, casting Mako out of his line of sight, but the sense of his presence remains even after the nudge. it's a comforting sensation, and he's grateful that even the freezing chill of his blood doesn't blot that out.

it makes him miss Bruce and the others real bad, but he knows now that the simple act of missing them is what makes things worse for himself.

this place...really wants him to let go, doesn't it. the river of blood, the ghost on his back and at his throat...

he closes his eyes and exhales heavily through his nose.]

You'd...still be good. Run-running.

You have...people from your home. To look after.

[ People from his home, huh.

Mako lets those words settle like snow between them, turning them over quietly in his head. It's true: he has a lot of people from home, people he'd die for. People he almost did die for, back at home where death meant more.

He's grateful in a way that hurts, sometimes. Maybe it would be easier if they weren't here, if he wasn't always wondering whether they'd been yanked away to some awful fate without Mako's knowledge, if he'd let them down somehow. Maybe he wouldn't have nightmares about Korra dissolving into stardust and bone or Wu's eyes shining bright and awful, the thud of his body, or Bolin at the bottom of the sea, limp and broken the way Mako was.

But maybe that's wrong. ]

...is that what's getting you?

[Manabu can't respond in words right away, because no sooner had he heard his own remarks in his head than his throat had tightened up. people from home...to look after... if he imagined it lasting longer than ten minutes, he'd likely just find a different shade of despair in having his loved ones here. would he even be able to feel any warmth from his mother's embrace anymore?

Louis had told him she didn't want to live in a world without him, but...that's exactly what she's got now. does she know? do any of them know?

he swallows against that tight feeling in his throat, holding his breath for a few beats before he can find it in him to speak again, but slowly, carefully: every other syllable is a risk to stutter or crumble.]

Childe said. It looked like me. Just worse. W-wu said, too. Gy-hh...guess so.

[he stops, teeth clicking at his jaw clenches and he gulps again. a chilly vapor is expelled when he huffs out his breath.]

It was me. Mm-maybe...it was...the real me. The one who. Died. In the dream. Hh, he keeps...fol-following me. And then. This. So.

[he exhales again, shakier, taken by a shudder.

quieter:] I don't like. Where mm-my...head's at. Anymore.

... I had one.

[ Mako hasn't told anyone outside Ange, who saw it, and Wu, who he tells everything. It's a hard thing to admit: that he wasn't strong enough, that he let his own sense of missing home to get to him that much.

But it's worth it, because if Manabu is wishing for his friends and his family, if he was lonely enough to get swept up in all of that, then he needs to know he isn't alone, actually. Not as singular as he thinks he is. Not a failure. Mako shifts a little closer, pressing some heat into the air around them with a minute wave of his hand. ]

Followed me around for a week before I figured it out. Had no idea.

You saying he was following you before this month?

[it takes a second for it to really connect - what Mako's saying, what it means. when it does, Manabu lifts his head and turns it to look at him, searching his expression. as if he'd find any deceit on a good day! he's not that insightful. still, it helps to match a face to the words. Mako's never given him reason to doubt him before, and that still holds true now.]

...N...not--well. [his eyes wince.] Different ways. Saw him in, in the river. Didn't see since. But Wu did. Ch-Childe did.

He won't...go away.

...I'm sure someone smart would tell you something about being haunted by your own death or something, but...

[ But Mako's not a therapist or anything like one, and he just shakes his head. ]

I think this place is just fucking with us. Same as Deerington.

[that answer seems too easy, too...safe, contrary to the context. like it's letting Manabu off gentler than he's gotten? hell, he doesn't know, and if he tries to think about it too much his head starts to hurt and his focus fuzzes out - a pale echo of how he'd disengaged back when that Waste with Mamoru's face had passed.

his gaze drifts away, head turning and tilting down.]

I...I don't nn-know. Mako. I don't know. [he swallows, pursing his lips into a tight, thin line to fight down the dreadful feelings trying to bubble over and rattle his tone.

after another gulp, he shakes his head.]

I just. Need to...make it stop. Or I'll get ss, someone killed. I almost did...

[ It's hard not to feel all of that, and Mako doesn't even have Wu's powers. There's just something in the air around Manabu, a tension and a fear that prickles at Mako's skin. He frowns helplessly against the force of it. How is he supposed to help with something like this? What does he do? Mako isn't Wu or Korra or Asami with emotional intelligence and wells of empathy to back them up. He muddles through things like this with clumsy words, tries his best to help and most of the time gets it wrong, and Manabu needs to hear the right thing.

Sucks for him that he's here with Mako, then, who usually manages to say the wrong thing.

He stares at his own knees for a long moment.

Of course he needs to make it stop. Getting someone killed is—

Mako sucks in a breath.

What does Wu do, when he's in a situation like this? He talks. He tells people about himself and his own fears, to make them feel less alone, less like they're the only ones drowning under the weight of this.

He makes it seem easy. Mako tries to summon up words, and finds that it is not. ]

I'm...

[ Try. Keep trying. It's all he can do. The stone is cold under his thighs, and Mako reaches over to clasp Manabu's shoulder like an anchor. ]

I don't know what I'd do if I got somebody killed here. Chloe... told me that she'd been used like a weapon against the people she loved, and I can't—but I had to. Or, I had to try.

[Mako's been consciously trying to warm this spot up, but planting the hand on Manabu's shoulder is what actually causes some jolt of heat. it makes him shiver all the same, prompting a bit of fidgeting and a gulp. what is it about a petition to sit still that makes him antsy to move?

he tilts his head to peek over. the name Chloe doesn't mean anything to him, and the idea of Mako having to try that kind of thing is...it doesn't feel good to hear. why's Mako got to put up with this crap? he's a decent person! he's got people to take care of here, you know?

a fear of hurting people you care about... suddenly, Manabu remembers James, and all his petitions for Manabu to get the hell away from him before he hurt him again. it had reminded him of Bruce then, and now...

he huffs. jeez, is he turning into those sourpusses now?]

...N-no. [he shakes his head, closing his eyes.] If I...see you acting up. Like that. I'll nn-not-knock your lights out. Before you can.

Good.

[ Short, blunt, and full of a kind of gratitude Mako can't express properly except through another pointed burst of warmth. ]

...try to accept it, I was trying to say. I had to make my peace with it. That's what she said I had to do, and I don't know if I have. Chloe was in the dream for years. One of the first people to arrive. She knew how to handle it.

[ He's saying this so badly, is the problem, like he always does, and Mako spares a moment to curse his own vocabulary, whatever filter exists between his brain and his mouth that makes the right thing so difficult to say. ]

My point is: in an ideal world we'd just try our best not to hurt people while accepting that we might, and that we probably aren't at fault unless we didn't do a damn [ which is not quite what he says, but the curse doesn't translate from his own world, stays in his native language rather than translating ] thing to try and stop it. But it's shitty of me to say that to you when I can't put my money where my mouth is and do the same thing.

[ I'd feel the same way, he is trying to say, dancing around the words because he can't fill them with the meaning he wants. ]

[Manabu swallows against the stubborn knot in his throat, ears burning as Mako goes on. huh, burning: finally something other than sickening cold.

his eyes wince at Mako's curse, expression growing more fraught after the fact. it's hard to keep up with Mako's true meaning when the buzzing of his own thoughts are getting to that point where his mind is ready to cut the cable and shut it all down, but he tries.

because he can kind of hear Bruce's voice behind Mako's words.

feeling despair bubbling back up prompts him to shift again, bringing a hand to his face, pressing his knuckles against his stinging, good eye. he's nine again, trying to come to terms with having watched his father drift away to oblivion. he's also eighteen again, catching the baseball Mamoru tossed his way, milliseconds before the gunfire shredded through his uniform. twenty again, pulling up to the gas station, tracing Bruce's last signal...

the circumstances now are so different, so why are the feelings the same? maybe it's because it's all he has to compare it to. he doesn't know how to make it stop.]

...No one. Can. [his tone bottoms out, and he sighs, withdrawing his hand from his face, his expression growing withdrawn.] That's...what's the same. For everyone.

...what, accepting that?

[ Mako's so fucking helpless against all of this, is the problem. That's what he hates the most: that Manabu is falling apart next to him and that Mako has nothing to offer him to fix it because he hasn't worked hard enough or smart enough to solve this place, or maybe it's a problem that can't be solved. What's the solution here? Is it what Wu says, banding together against the darkness? Is it something beyond his reach, some switch that makes it so that they can't hurt each other, so that Manabu doesn't have to fray at the seams because he did something they're all probably going to do?

What can he do except push heat into the air and watch Manabu fight with his own emotions, knowing what he's feeling?

Mako sucks in a small, hard breath and shifts closer, dropping his arm around Manabu's shoulders, tugging him close all at once. ]

[dimly, Manabu thinks it that no one can do anything to stop it, with 'it' becoming a more nebulous, hard-to-grasp notion the longer he sits there in the growing brain fog. he lets it go with an unintelligible mumble, giving up on talking now that there's fewer thoughts to voice.

with a little tug, Manabu slumps against Mako, his chin dropping to his chest. it's not unlike when that Waste died, except this isn't preceded by an outburst - not an immediate one, anyway. all that got taken care of by Childe's work.

it's easier to relent to gestures than try to think or feel anymore, and feeling a little warm is a lot better.]

[ Silence falls like leaves around them, bringing with it the rustle of breath and fabric, the quiet moans of the little ghouls at the nearby lamp, and the sounds of the city itself. They're nothing like the sounds of Republic City, none of the hum of Satomobiles, because of course they aren't home. They're in an alien city with merciless daily rhythms, blood-soaked and terrible.

How is anyone supposed to adjust to that? What is anyone supposed to do in the face of turning into a monster?

Depends, a little voice in Mako says, and he lets out a quiet sigh. ]

...what do you want?

[funny question. Manabu asks himself that a lot, but...not right now. he can't think about it right now.

it's probably worth asking, since Manabu would've likely wound up asleep without a prompt. he lifts his head, opening his eyes slowly and staring at the cobblestone street ahead of them.

what...should he be doing? what was he doing...before Mako asked to see him?

his eye flicks down to the gun in his lap. the gun...

ah. that's right. the saber. the harmonica. all his stuff...

while sitting up:] Lost it. Harm...mm, harmonica. Ssstill lookin'. Mm.

Your partner's old harmonica?

[ That little dented thing, small and old and so heavy with meaning?

No wonder he's so lost.

It can't be the reason, not entirely, but Mako can see the meaning behind it—has been clinging to the vestiges of his own lost home and watching them slip away for good at the same time. At least he is anchored here by the people he loves. Manabu doesn't have any of that.

He tightens his arm a little bit, frowning quietly at his own knees. ]

Not exactly what I meant, but. Did it wash up with you?

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