arclightning | deer country inbox

[ He's not alone. These videos are hot, they're hot and they're supposed to be hot and Wu presses back against him, looking up at Mako with a grin ]

Right?! It's incredible! I've never seen anything like this at all-- well aside from some of those movers I watched in Deerington, but that was for research-- and he does it so well!

[ He's just glad that Mako wants to watch this with him, that he gets it now ]

I wish we had stuff like this back home!

Mm-hm. Research.

[ Mako remembers that very well, watching those with Wu on their little bed, both of their faces flaming, thinking about doing the same thing with Wu squirming next to him—no, nope, it's the morning, he can't be thinking about that right now or they're not going to get anything done.

Mako thinks as he, very counterproductively, presses his fingers into the soft hair at the nape of Wu's neck, massaging lightly. ]

You know, I, uh. Kind of do too.

[ Research. Research that he wouldn't mind repeating, when they're alone later. He learned so much from that, and remembers exactly how interested Mako got afterward.

That feels nice, and Wu leans into this touch, nestling himself more comfortably against Mako's side. ]

Yeah? It-- yeah. I know you said, with the, um, gangs, that this sort of stuff was really not okay. Right?

Edited 2021-09-27 00:19 (UTC)

[ Ah.

That again.

They haven't really talked about it since that first time, since Mako admitted he wasn't as straight as he'd always let on. Since he told Wu about his disastrous date and its consequences, and all his confusion after.

He goes a little stiff just thinking about it, makes a little sound in his throat as another video starts playing, this one looping, strangely three-dimensional. ]

No more okay than it was in the Earth Kingdom. Looking back, I don't even really know why. Do you?

Why it's not okay..?

[ The video is just looping, even if the song is cool, so Wu can finally look away, at Mako's face. He reaches up to touch his cheek, wanting to smooth away the worry there ]

Well... we can't exactly have a family, not ourselves. I think that was a big part of it. And, if you're in a family, you have obligations to your wife and children, and it creates a whole different type of, ah. Compliance? I don't know if that's it, but it sort of seems like that's it. It's always been about control, in the Earth Kingdom. The Dai Li wanted to control my great-grandfather, my Auntie wanted to control me and everything else in the Palace.

Maybe it was the same in the gangs? They could better control you if there were expectations about what you were and weren't allowed to do.

[ Mako gives Wu a soft, not-exactly-surprised look. He isn't surprised anymore when Wu comes out with something like that, shows the mind underneath all the charm. He's a smart guy, and thoughtful about the kinds of things that Mako has trouble parsing, and Mako loves him for it. ]

Yeah, I think you're right. That has to be at least part of it. Zolt was obsessed with controlling everything his people did, even if he didn't want you to think that's what was happening. He had pretty strong opinions about what men did and didn't do.

Yeah!

[ Wu presses closer to him, leaning in to rest his head in the crook of Mako's shoulder. Men aren't supposed to do this, either, but it feels so nice to be close to him, to feel Mako's body against his, his hand on Wu's arm, his arm around Wu's shoulders. He lets out a soft breath with a little smile ]

Yeah, we don't have to listen to them anymore. They don't have any power over us, here. And people here? They don't seem to care at all! I've seen men, or who I thought were men? In dresses! Women arm in arm with women. I don't think it matters, here, and I'm so, so glad for that.

They really don't.

[ Mako doesn't know what to think about that—Republic City's clothing is pretty divided, but it's not like men and women don't wear the same things, the same uniforms, sometimes. It's like the air nation's robes, long and flowing, meant for everyone. Or Wu's own Earth Kingdom robes that he never actually wears.

Mako turns his head, pressing his nose into Wu's hair for a moment. ]

Does it still feel.... I don't know. Wrong? To you?

Which part..?

[ Wu can't help the small trickle of fear that drops through him. He knows that Mako had more trouble accepting that he likes men than Wu did, he didn't have years to get used to the idea, not in the same way. He doesn't want Mako to remember exactly how worried he was, to take this away from Wu when Wu is finally happy.

But he's still pressed close. He's still pressed close so he can't be that scared. ]

[ Mako's own discomfort increases, running like a livewire through his body. He shifts, huffing quietly against Wu's head. It's so hard to put these things into words when he doesn't ever seem to have those words. So hard to tell Wu sometimes I feel weird holding your hand because that will hurt him, and Mako knows that, and he knows just as much that isn't about Wu, it's about him and how he thinks people are looking at him. ]

I don't know. All of it. Like, it doesn't... feel wrong.

[ And that's the truth, isn't it? Mako smiles faintly and squeezes Wu's shoulder. ]

None of this feels wrong. I guess part of me feels like it should feel wrong.

...yeah. Yeah, I get that.

[ And he does. Sometimes he catches himself kissing Mako or holding him close or, honestly, having sex with him, and the thought will pass through his mind that he shouldn't be doing this, that Auntie would be so furious at him, that his people wouldn't respect him.

But then he pushed those thoughts away to focus on Mako, because he loves Mako in a way he's never loved anyone before. He twists on the couch, shifting up to push his fingers back through Mako's hair, pressing a soft kiss to his lips ]

But it isn't wrong! That's just, just what we were taught. There's no real reason that this should be wrong. Right?

[ He wishes that he sounded more sure when he said that ]

No. If you think about it for even a second, like—it's stupid. Just like pretending that men can get more stuff than women can. Korra told me all these stories about what Master Katara had to deal with— it was a lot.

[ At least Mako sounds sure of himself, if a little annoyed. ]

It's just people being judgmental about anything different than them. Everyone does it, and...

Neither of us really had a choice but to try and be what people wanted, right?

No, we didn't. I know I had to be who Auntie wanted me to be. You had to be the kind of person who could survive, right?

[ Survive the life that he was forced to live after his parents were killed. Sometimes Wu remembers that, that Mako and Bolin grew up without anyone watching over them, without a home, and it settles heavy in his gut until he can reassure himself that Mako is okay. Of course he's okay, he's Mako.

He runs his fingers down Mako's chest. ]

I guess sticking out wasn't great for either of us, was it?

...no. It wasn't.

[ The weight of that understanding is a lot, sometimes. There is a part of Mako yearning and yet terrified to be seen, and Wu sees him with a kind of clarity that sears right through him.

Mako clutches him a little tighter, sucking in a small breath. ]

For what it's worth—the real you is pretty incredible, and your Aunt is shitty.

[ Wu's face flushes warm and he leans in even closer. Even after all these months, hearing Mako say nice things like that still surprises him. He's still used to Mako being annoyed at him, or telling him to do better, three years of that is hard to shake, but every time Mako does compliment him, he preens, his heart feeling full and buoyant.

He presses a kiss to the corner of Mako's mouth, hiding a smile there ]

I could say the same thing about you, sweetcheeks. Well, not the aunt thing, but-- you, you. The real Mako, I really love that guy.

[ Mako turns to catch his lips in a real kiss, letting it linger. It's easier to kiss Wu than to talk with him about this stuff, sometimes, but that doesn't mean Mako shouldn't try. ]

I'm, uh. [ He barely breaks the kiss to talk ] Not sure who that is anymore.

[ Petting back through Mako's hair, Wu nods slightly, kissing him again, soft and slow. A strange sadness settles in him, a sadness for Mako, but he thinks he can help, and he murmurs: ]

He's this great guy I know. Has a good head for organizing things. He likes to pretend he doesn't care, but he cares so much, about his friends, his family, about everybody. He wants to make sure everyone's taken care of before taking care of himself and, you know? I think he deserves to be taken care of, too.

[ He smiles, just a little ]

But it's really hard to get him to let me take care of him.

[ Mako can't help the little snort of almost-laughter at Wu's words, light and meaningful all at the same time. How does he do that? Mako will never know. He's a thing in flux, the ground shifting under his feet, and here is Wu defining him. ]

Maybe he doesn't need to be taken care of.

[ But that's not really true, is it? Mako hates to think those words, hates to think that he might need anyone—he isn't allowed, can't rely on anybody but himself, but that's not true, is it? He's always had to accept the help of others, even when it stung. Mako has never been a person alone.

He amends, quietly, ]

Or, you know. Maybe he doesn't know how.

That's okay.

[ Wu offers him a small smile, staying closer. He can feel the coolness of Mako's body under his, so different but already comforting, something that's just for him ]

I didn't say you need to, anyway. Just that I think you deserve it. And I want to, if you'll let me. We can figure it out, together?

[ It's a question because he's not sure, not sure if he knows how to take care of anyone, doesn't know if Mako wants him to, if this is a bad idea, but something deep inside him wants it so, so much. He wants to be helpful, he wants Mako to need him, he wants to see Mako happy and cared for and comfortable. He wants to make up for some of the awfulness Mako has seen in his life, to love him the way Wu wants to love him. ]

...yeah.

[ Wu keeps trying, is the thing, and Mako made him a promise. Just because it isn't easy to let him in, to let him help, doesn't mean Mako shouldn't be trying. ]

...actually, I know something you can help with.

[ Wu gasps excitedly, looking up at him with a smile. It means so much for Mako to say that, and he's ready to leap into action to do whatever it is ]

Yes? Mako, please! Whatever you need.

[ Saying he needs the help and actually saying what it is are two different things, but Wu looks so excited that it... kind of helps. Mako smiles softly. ]

I'm... having trouble figuring out what it is I wanna do here.

Here? Here in Trench?

[ He pushes himself up a little, hands braced on Mako's thighs. ]

Oh, boy! I hadn't even thought-- I've been so wrapped up in the Raccoon Room, I'm sorry I didn't even think about that. Oh, what do you want to do? Well, I guess you don't know. But we can figure it out! Of course we can.

[ He leans in with a soft smile, kissing Mako again, fingers trailing through his hair ]

You're good at so many things. I'm sure we can find one, or a few, that you want to do.

[ Mako leans back a little, his brows rising at the sudden energy. ]

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying you should've been thinking about it. Or—it's not urgent. Honestly, I...

[ Why is his face flushing? Why does it feel so strangely warm? Even when Wu kisses him, the blue flush doesn't go away. It shouldn't be embarrassing to be enjoying himself, but.

He murmurs the next bit against Wu's lips. ]

I like setting things up with you.

[ Wu flushes, too, rubbing a thumb over Mako's bluish cheek. ]

Good. Good! I like working with you, too.

[ And he doesn't really want him to stop. He's not sure he can pull this off without Mako. ]

Okay, then we'll think about it. Think about what you want to do, what would make you happy. If, if what we're feeling is right, we're going to be here for a long, long time. Might as well enjoy ourselves, right?

(no subject)

arclightning - 2021-10-18 01:28 (UTC) - Expand

deer country inbox

MAKO'S INBOX

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)