arclightning | deer country inbox

...yeah. Yeah, I get that.

[ And he does. Sometimes he catches himself kissing Mako or holding him close or, honestly, having sex with him, and the thought will pass through his mind that he shouldn't be doing this, that Auntie would be so furious at him, that his people wouldn't respect him.

But then he pushed those thoughts away to focus on Mako, because he loves Mako in a way he's never loved anyone before. He twists on the couch, shifting up to push his fingers back through Mako's hair, pressing a soft kiss to his lips ]

But it isn't wrong! That's just, just what we were taught. There's no real reason that this should be wrong. Right?

[ He wishes that he sounded more sure when he said that ]

No. If you think about it for even a second, like—it's stupid. Just like pretending that men can get more stuff than women can. Korra told me all these stories about what Master Katara had to deal with— it was a lot.

[ At least Mako sounds sure of himself, if a little annoyed. ]

It's just people being judgmental about anything different than them. Everyone does it, and...

Neither of us really had a choice but to try and be what people wanted, right?

No, we didn't. I know I had to be who Auntie wanted me to be. You had to be the kind of person who could survive, right?

[ Survive the life that he was forced to live after his parents were killed. Sometimes Wu remembers that, that Mako and Bolin grew up without anyone watching over them, without a home, and it settles heavy in his gut until he can reassure himself that Mako is okay. Of course he's okay, he's Mako.

He runs his fingers down Mako's chest. ]

I guess sticking out wasn't great for either of us, was it?

...no. It wasn't.

[ The weight of that understanding is a lot, sometimes. There is a part of Mako yearning and yet terrified to be seen, and Wu sees him with a kind of clarity that sears right through him.

Mako clutches him a little tighter, sucking in a small breath. ]

For what it's worth—the real you is pretty incredible, and your Aunt is shitty.

[ Wu's face flushes warm and he leans in even closer. Even after all these months, hearing Mako say nice things like that still surprises him. He's still used to Mako being annoyed at him, or telling him to do better, three years of that is hard to shake, but every time Mako does compliment him, he preens, his heart feeling full and buoyant.

He presses a kiss to the corner of Mako's mouth, hiding a smile there ]

I could say the same thing about you, sweetcheeks. Well, not the aunt thing, but-- you, you. The real Mako, I really love that guy.

[ Mako turns to catch his lips in a real kiss, letting it linger. It's easier to kiss Wu than to talk with him about this stuff, sometimes, but that doesn't mean Mako shouldn't try. ]

I'm, uh. [ He barely breaks the kiss to talk ] Not sure who that is anymore.

[ Petting back through Mako's hair, Wu nods slightly, kissing him again, soft and slow. A strange sadness settles in him, a sadness for Mako, but he thinks he can help, and he murmurs: ]

He's this great guy I know. Has a good head for organizing things. He likes to pretend he doesn't care, but he cares so much, about his friends, his family, about everybody. He wants to make sure everyone's taken care of before taking care of himself and, you know? I think he deserves to be taken care of, too.

[ He smiles, just a little ]

But it's really hard to get him to let me take care of him.

[ Mako can't help the little snort of almost-laughter at Wu's words, light and meaningful all at the same time. How does he do that? Mako will never know. He's a thing in flux, the ground shifting under his feet, and here is Wu defining him. ]

Maybe he doesn't need to be taken care of.

[ But that's not really true, is it? Mako hates to think those words, hates to think that he might need anyone—he isn't allowed, can't rely on anybody but himself, but that's not true, is it? He's always had to accept the help of others, even when it stung. Mako has never been a person alone.

He amends, quietly, ]

Or, you know. Maybe he doesn't know how.

That's okay.

[ Wu offers him a small smile, staying closer. He can feel the coolness of Mako's body under his, so different but already comforting, something that's just for him ]

I didn't say you need to, anyway. Just that I think you deserve it. And I want to, if you'll let me. We can figure it out, together?

[ It's a question because he's not sure, not sure if he knows how to take care of anyone, doesn't know if Mako wants him to, if this is a bad idea, but something deep inside him wants it so, so much. He wants to be helpful, he wants Mako to need him, he wants to see Mako happy and cared for and comfortable. He wants to make up for some of the awfulness Mako has seen in his life, to love him the way Wu wants to love him. ]

...yeah.

[ Wu keeps trying, is the thing, and Mako made him a promise. Just because it isn't easy to let him in, to let him help, doesn't mean Mako shouldn't be trying. ]

...actually, I know something you can help with.

[ Wu gasps excitedly, looking up at him with a smile. It means so much for Mako to say that, and he's ready to leap into action to do whatever it is ]

Yes? Mako, please! Whatever you need.

[ Saying he needs the help and actually saying what it is are two different things, but Wu looks so excited that it... kind of helps. Mako smiles softly. ]

I'm... having trouble figuring out what it is I wanna do here.

Here? Here in Trench?

[ He pushes himself up a little, hands braced on Mako's thighs. ]

Oh, boy! I hadn't even thought-- I've been so wrapped up in the Raccoon Room, I'm sorry I didn't even think about that. Oh, what do you want to do? Well, I guess you don't know. But we can figure it out! Of course we can.

[ He leans in with a soft smile, kissing Mako again, fingers trailing through his hair ]

You're good at so many things. I'm sure we can find one, or a few, that you want to do.

[ Mako leans back a little, his brows rising at the sudden energy. ]

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying you should've been thinking about it. Or—it's not urgent. Honestly, I...

[ Why is his face flushing? Why does it feel so strangely warm? Even when Wu kisses him, the blue flush doesn't go away. It shouldn't be embarrassing to be enjoying himself, but.

He murmurs the next bit against Wu's lips. ]

I like setting things up with you.

[ Wu flushes, too, rubbing a thumb over Mako's bluish cheek. ]

Good. Good! I like working with you, too.

[ And he doesn't really want him to stop. He's not sure he can pull this off without Mako. ]

Okay, then we'll think about it. Think about what you want to do, what would make you happy. If, if what we're feeling is right, we're going to be here for a long, long time. Might as well enjoy ourselves, right?

I think we have to make something of it.

[ Honest words, pulled from the depths of himself. Wu makes it easy to think about the future, and Mako always finds it easier to talking to him about this stuff than anyone else. He leans up to kiss Wu again, letting it linger into several kisses before pulling away. ]

Because, yeah. You're right. We're here for a while.

[ After a moment, Mako smiles, some of that worry easing. ]

But this is always gonna be part of what I do. You need somebody to run your numbers.

deer country inbox

MAKO'S INBOX

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject