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[ Wu shakes his head, keeping close to Mako. He hopes that whatever body heat he has can help keep Mako warm ]

No, I was planning on it-- planning on a first official visit, you know, but I had to get the Earth Kingdom situated first. I really hoped to have the first elections done, too...

[ It still tingles at the back of his mind, thinking about it. There's so much to do, at home, and here he is, enjoying his life in Trench with Mako and the Raccoon Room ]

I wish we could have gone! But, I guess that was too dangerous.

[ Or, was it? The danger of those first few years seems massively overblown, the threat not coming from Earth Kingdom citizens, but from the very people Wu entrusted his country to ]

Well.

[ Mako scowls out at the waves, frozen and full of cracks where people have been working to break the ice. It's quiet during the day like this, in the few short hours of daylight they actually have, but by tonight it'll be bustling with the shrieks of people coming up from the ice and the shouts for rescue.

For now, he leads Wu toward one of the many empty tents. ]

It's too late now. We're not going back.

[ He doesn't mean to sound so bitter about it, but. ]

[ The bitterness makes its way to Wu's ears and something like fear clenching in his gut.

But he keeps it back, for the moment, taking a deep breath. ]

No, I suppose we're not.

[ He squeezes Mako's arm, falling into thought. They aren't going back. They did and it was-- it was nice. It was nice to be at home and to still be with Mako and have Mako by his side to make all the decisions he had to make as the King of the Earth Kingdom.

But he isn't that, here. He doesn't have to be, and he's grateful for that. It feels like a cop out, that he doesn't have to go through all of that work to abdicate. He thinks about it, sometimes. About how long it would actually take, until he could give up the throne. Even those few months he was in charge, it took a toll of him.

And here, he just has to worry about dying or being hurt or his friends being hurt. He doesn't have to worry about politics or failing an entire country. Small problems, as terrible as they can be, are kind of nice. ]

Hey, [ He looks up at Mako, hating that expression on his face ] are you okay?

I'm—

[ Mako starts, but he bites down on the familiar words, trapping them behind his teeth for a moment. What would telling Wu he's fine actually do? Show him that Mako is okay, but if he's telling Wu that he doesn't need to be okay all the time, it's pretty hypocritical of him to try and do the same thing. They're more alike that Mako realized, in so many ways.

And Wu looks so concerned, looking up at him with worry and understanding both, and Mako...

Sighs quietly, ducks down into one of the tents radiating heat, and holds the flap up for Wu. ]

No. I guess I'm not.

[ Wu ducks under it, and wonders for a moment if Mako has every said that to him before. Has he ever admitted to not being okay? Wu really isn't sure, and he reaches over to squeeze Mako's hand ]

Yeah?

[ There isn't much in the tent, but at least it's warm, and Wu lets out a breath, a shudder running through him as his limbs warm back up.

And, at least, there's no one else in the tent, but there's materials to make hot chocolate, and that's pretty exciting.

But his kneejerk reaction to Mako not being okay if that it might be his fault, and he grips Mako's hand harder, hoping that isn't true ]

Um... what's going on?

[ Just one hurdle after another, huh. The ground is covered with the same canvas making up the tent's sides, and more than that, practically stuffed with cushions and blankets. Where all this stuff comes from...

Well. It doesn't matter. Busying himself with grabbing a few cushions and unfolding a blanket, Mako makes a little spot for both of them to sit in front of the tiny tray with chocolate (actual, real chocolate) on it, near a brazier radiating heat.

Naturally, as soon as Mako folds himself onto his knees, Zuko uncoils herself from around his neck and goes to curl up on the brazier instead, trilling in contentment at the radiating heat. Mako snorts at her, lifts up a corner of the blanket and his arm, and cocks his head. ]

C'mere.

[ Easier to do this, for now, than to tell him what's really wrong. He'll get there. He has to, because Wu is radiating worry, looking at him like he expects Mako to send him back out into the cold or something.

For his benefit, Mako adds, ]

Don't look at me like that, you're fine.

[ Trust him, Wu reminds himself. He does, he does trust Mako, but that isn't always enough to stop the fear from creeping up his throat.

He settles down with Mako, nestling against his side. He isn't warm like he used to be, but he's still comfortingly solid. Fritter crawls her way out of his jacket and scurries over to join Zuko closer to the fire, chittering as she curls up with her pal.

It's cute, the two of them together. They're basically best friends, maybe siblings, and Wu's glad for it, glad that Fritter doesn't have to be the sole animal in their home now that Pabu moved out with Bolin ]

Okay, okay! You just got all serious.

[ Teasing Mako, at least, is easy. He even manages a smile, reaching up to push Mako's too-long hair off his forehead ]

You asked.

[ Mako grumbles, less acidly than he could because it's very hard to be uncomfortable and upset with Wu pressed up against him like this, even though he's still radiating worry. Touching Wu always calms him down, makes him feel more grounded. He leans into Wu's fingers, letting out a quiet breath. ]

Just... miss home a lot more than I thought I would.

[ Wu's gotten hints of that, through Mako's emotions, through the thoughts he sometimes sees when he touches Mako, thinking of Republic City, of the streets that he knows so much better than Wu ever did, the sunset over Yue Bay. ]

What do you miss about it?

[ Wu can't exactly say he feels the same way. He misses Republic City, sure, but it wasn't his home like it was Mako's. He spent three years in his adoptive city, felt more himself there than he ever did in Ba Sing Se, but it wasn't his home, not like it was Mako's ]

Stupid stuff.

[ It's a dismissive answer, meant to minimize the swell of feeling in him when Wu asks. It doesn't really work and also Mako should know better, stifles a sigh. ]

It—I don't know. I told you Ange showed me the city. That helped, but... I just keep thinking about how I'm not going to see it again. How much we have to learn here. I miss... knowing a place.

[ Wu slips a hand over Mako's, squeezing tight ]

You were there your whole life! That, it makes sense, to miss that. I... well, I didn't feel the same way about Ba Sing Se as you do about Republic City, but it was still scary to be somewhere totally new. And, you know, my family had all just been killed.... [ not the point ] What I mean is, it is scary! To be somewhere new.

Are you glad that we went back, before we came here?

...that must've been pretty scary, huh. You didn't talk about it much.

[ Mako remembers that memory, those tears Wu tried so hard to hide, and more than that, he really doesn't want to talk about his own shit any more than he has to, so guess who's completely ignoring the question and refocusing things on Wu while he investigates the hot chocolate setup? ]

...no. I, well. I didn't really have anyone to talk about it with.

[ He could have talked to Mako, but that isn't the impression he wanted to give. He wanted Mako to think he was cool and sophisticated, not a weepy, depressed mess who couldn't handle his own life.

But he couldn't, he really couldn't, and Mako helped even if they didn't talk about it. His constant presence, if begrudging, helped. It was something steady when everything else was falling apart.

Wu watches him work, kneading his lip between his teeth ]

That's when I journaled a lot. I, wow. I must have ten journals full, from those years.

Ten?

[ Mako half-turns, his hands on the little stove and his brows rising. ]

...wow. That what you did in your room at night? I had no idea.

[ Wu never told him, and Mako can't blame him for that, not really. He didn't exactly make himself emotionally available, then, too busy watching his friends do incredible things while trying to figure out a way to get out of his babysitting job.

How much has changed since then. ]

Ten might be an exaggeration, but the point stands! It's much better, now.

[ That he has people to talk to, that he has Mako, but really has him, his attention, his care, his love. Wu shifts even closer, resting his head on Mako's shoulder even as he works. ]

It was really scary. I thought my whole life was falling apart-- and it was! It was falling apart. You don't feel like that, now, do you?

Like my life's falling apart?

[ Mako has to think about that a little as he unwraps an actual bar of chocolate to stick into a little pot. That probably isn't good, even if his eventual answer is a quiet, ]

No.

I don't feel like that. That's—how long did you feel like that, Wu?

[ The pause is concerning, and Wu looks down at the floor, wondering if it's because of what happened in October, because of Wu's freak out, his loneliness.

Or maybe it's not about him at all, and that almost makes it scarier. ]

I... honestly? Until a few months ago. I had this whole future, and then, bam! It was gone. It wasn't until, you know, we started figuring out what we could be, that I started, um. [ That's intense, isn't it? ] Well, I feel like we're building a good life, here.

[ Until them, Mako puts together. Until Wu was sure of what they were, until he had ground under his feet and someone in his corner.

Mako flicks the little stove to life, idly stirring the chocolate. It's just bumping the sides of the little pot right now.

He knows what it's like to watch your life collapse, how hard it is to feel like you know what you're doing after that. How long did it take him to feel like he and Bolin weren't on the verge of death? How long until he stopped wishing for his parents in secret, knowing it wouldn't get him anywhere, hoping anyway in the way that children do?

He hasn't felt like that, at least. Not again.

Mako turns his face into Wu's head, lets himself rest close while he melts the bar. ]

We are. The Raccoon Room suits you. I'm... glad you have your feet under you.

Me too.

[ He says it softly, feeling the feelings coming off of Mako. He gets flickers of that childhood, of the hope, dashed and dashed again. At least he was an adult when it happened, not that people treated him like one. Mako really was his babysitter, taking care of him because no one else would. ]

I'm glad that we didn't stay back home.

[ It's kind of scary to say, because he has no idea if Mako feels the same ]

[ Mako lets out a little huffing breath at the words, pushing a bit more heat into the pot to get the chocolate to melt quicker. ]

Yeah? You don't think it would've been worth it?

It... probably would have been. But even if it was worth it, it was going to be years of my life before I would be free to do what I want. If I didn't have a choice, if I was home, of course I would do it! I would stick it out and help guide the Earth Kingdom into democracies. But-- I'm also pretty relieved that I don't have to.

[ He glances at Mako, then away, not really wanting to know his reaction to that. Will be think that Wu isn't trying hard enough? That he isn't dedicated enough? That he's shirking his duty to his nation?

He doesn't really want to know, but also he really has to know. ]

[ Mako can't really blame him.

It isn't like Wu asked for the throne, or the stress of abdication, or any of it. Mako had been impressed by the way he stepped up after protesting for so long, and more impressed still at his idea to abdicate in the first place, but...

Wu had looked so tired even before everything with Gaoling. He never talks about wanting to go home, or wanting to go back to the Earth Kingdom, in anything but tones of relief.

Maybe Mako's the weird one for missing it so much. ]

Hand me that bottle?

[ He's guessing it has some kind of liquid in it, which is good because the chocolate in here is nearly melted. The worry is practically rolling off Wu, though, so as soon as Mako uncaps the little thing he continues. ]

I'm glad. That you don't actually have to do that. Seriously, Wu, I'm not—none of this is regretting being here. Getting to do all this and...

[ He hesitates, his cheeks flushing that odd pale blue. His face doesn't feel hot when he gets embarrassed anymore. The opposite, in fact: it seems to get colder. Another strange new thing. ]

...building this life, with you, is... really good.

[ Wu watches him work, trying to read his feelings. He shouldn't. He should let Mako's feelings be his own, but he wants to know. He doesn't want to be left in the dark again, to have his fears actually coalesce. He doesn't want to be blindsided by Mako regretting being here, being with him.

It doesn't feel like he does. It feels like he means it, like he has a tangle of feelings of homesickness and that he likes their current life.

Wu slips a hand onto his shoulder, squeezing gently ]

It is really good. This is sure something we couldn't have back home! Can you imagine? Trying to date as the Earth King would sure be a doozy.

[ Say nothing about the fact that he would never be allowed to marry, let alone date, a man. At least not until he changed the law ]

It's okay, to feel both. You miss home! I miss Republic City, too. It's a real special place. It's where we met, after all.

[ But it's so much more than that to Mako. It's his whole life, where he lived with his parents, where he lost them, where he survived, where he flourished. Where he met Korra and his whole life changed.

He shifts forward and wraps his arms around Mako's shoulders now, chest against Mako's back, and presses a kiss to his cheek ]

It might help to talk about it. What do you miss the most?

[ Mako snorts quietly at the reminder, leaning into Wu's lips for a second before he goes back to stirring. ]

I don't know, Wu, don't you think it's... kind of pointless? To miss it? Ange showed me a copy of the city and that should've been enough, but I can't stop thinking about... I'm just tired of being different. I'm tired of... things tasting different and the way shoes are shaped, and... animals. And none of that matters! We have important things to focus on.

I don't think it's pointless. I miss that, too. Knowing how things work, not being taken by surprise every month. At least I knew when it would snow, back home! Now I have no idea if it's going to rain water or blood.

[ It's sort of a joke, and sort of a real complaint. ]

I miss knowing how stuff works, what people know, where people are from. I knew what "I'm from the Fire Nation" meant. Here, if someone tells me where they're from, even if it's Earth, it could mean six different things!

What I'm saying is that we can figure it out, together. Even if it's uncomfortable! Because we have each other. And you're pretty familiar to me, Mako. I mean, I've known you longer than anyone else here.

[ Even if that's not true for Mako. He at least has his brother and his friends from home ]

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arclightning - 2021-12-15 16:12 (UTC) - Expand

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