[ It takes Mako a while to read through this. Not because it's so much, although it is, but because he has to read it over and over again, because these things—these are things true in his own life, in a way.
Maybe he's lucky. He could tell that the Triple Threats weren't going to get him and Bolin to a place of stability, could tell that the things they said weren't true, but there was still a long period of Mako's life where the only thing he was worth was what he could bring to the table, and there's a big part of him that can't imagine that isn't true.
But this isn't the kind of thing that's talked about in Republic City, especially not to people like him and Bolin. Mako's never heard a take on it like this before, and it clicks so many things into place for him that he has to take a second and put his Fluid down and go into the backyard and just... fling fire at things for a while, because it's hard to think about. Mako's always preferred action over thinking about things. Obviously Eddie is not the same way, or maybe he's a mixture of both. Either way, it seems clear to Mako that he's thought about this a lot.
It's only after he's done that for an hour, gritted his teeth through the wave of memories and things settling into place in a way they hadn't before, that he finally comes back and reads the whole thing over again, because he still owes Eddie an answer, and he thinks he gets it. Part of it. ]
It took me a long time to accept that the guy who taught me how to lightningbend was a terrible person. He was the only person who.
He's a bad person.
When you don't have anyone else who believes in you, you have to get what you can from the one person who does, even if they extort people for fun. I guess. I get it. I think.
Chloe gave me a dictionary about that stuff. I like to confirm that it's correct. Thank you, though. It's good to know Korra and I aren't the only ones having to learn it.
(Eddie was used to this to some extent. He had a way of babbling about the ugliest parts of life and he was used to people reacting, at first, with a long quiet. He doesn't think he's pushed the guy away, not entirely, and so he waits to see how he would respond. Eddie was the sort of person who said either everything at once or nothing at once and there was never an in-between with him. He swerved from making crude jokes to some prattling emotional breakdown in the span of five seconds. Kid's rebound rates were insane.
Probably literally, but that's beside the point.
It somehow feels completely unsurprising that this guy had that sort of experience. Eddie's come to figure out that the easiest people to talk to in this place were other people who had lived through something similar. He doesn't really know what "lightningbend" is but the context doesn't actually matter as to what's being said. He could ask questions later.)
it's exactly like that, yeah. and it's worse when it's a person who is supposed to be helping you like a parent or, in your case, this mentor guy. you want to trust them to help you, and usually when people help people, it's with good intention but sometimes it's not. some people just like the power trip that comes with helping someone or feel like it means you're obligated to do something for them in return even if you didn't ask for their help
and it DOES all get so much worse when they're the ONLY one.
im sorry you understand what that's like. it's fucked up and no one should have to. but also like if you ever wanna talk about it, im always around
lol she would. no problem. yeah, trust me, you're catching up just fine. it's an adjustment period for a LOT of people
I usually left the trusting people up to my little brother, that's much more his speed, and he trusts anyone who smiles at him long enough. Still does, no matter how many times I told him he had to be careful. With people like Zolt—I mean, he led a gang and Bo still thought he had our best interests at heart.
At least he made it very clear that nothing I got from him was free. I don't know what I would've done if I didn't understand that, or if I had to learn it.
[ Ignoring that brief time when Mako did have to learn it. He likes to push that time down, pretend he always knew that the world was out to get him unless he fought back first.
It took a lot of hurt to get that wall up, though, and so Mako doesn't think about all the times when he was 11, 12, and reached his hand out for help only for someone to use it to yank him into something awful.
Maybe he'll think about them one day. ]
Thank you. I don't talk about this stuff very much, but. It helps. To understand where people are coming from. That's tough sometimes. I'm sorry you understand what it's like too, but. You're using that understanding for something good.
yea i know some saps like that too. i always wind up feeling kind of bad for them cause they wind up being the ones taken advantage of the quickest.
(Granted, Eddie could be weirdly vulnerable in that way too - though he didn't like to admit as much. But he liked to think that his naivety was different than outwardly trusting someone. He banked on the hope of being able to trust someone, not actually trusting them. It was a schematics thing.)
it helps when people are at least blunt i guess
oh yeah no problem. maul says i have a habit of dragging this shit out of people so really. it does help a lot though and in this place? you'll want to talk about that stuff and understand it pretty close. this place has a habit of holding everything against you so the better prepared you are for it, the better your chances are of getting out of tough spots
Right, yes. You would think he'd get that by now, but. I don't know. I also tried as hard as I could to make sure he could keep that once I accepted that he wasn't going to change. I'd rather him keep his heart safe but if he isn't going to, I guess that's what I'm for.
You really do. I, uh. Don't know how much there is to talk about but I'll keep that in mind.
[ Read: he will continue to repress his own feelings until they literally show up and bite him in the ass, and then will probably keep doing it after that because it's all he knows! ]
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no subject
Maybe he's lucky. He could tell that the Triple Threats weren't going to get him and Bolin to a place of stability, could tell that the things they said weren't true, but there was still a long period of Mako's life where the only thing he was worth was what he could bring to the table, and there's a big part of him that can't imagine that isn't true.
But this isn't the kind of thing that's talked about in Republic City, especially not to people like him and Bolin. Mako's never heard a take on it like this before, and it clicks so many things into place for him that he has to take a second and put his Fluid down and go into the backyard and just... fling fire at things for a while, because it's hard to think about. Mako's always preferred action over thinking about things. Obviously Eddie is not the same way, or maybe he's a mixture of both. Either way, it seems clear to Mako that he's thought about this a lot.
It's only after he's done that for an hour, gritted his teeth through the wave of memories and things settling into place in a way they hadn't before, that he finally comes back and reads the whole thing over again, because he still owes Eddie an answer, and he thinks he gets it. Part of it. ]
It took me a long time to accept that the guy who taught me how to lightningbend was a terrible person. He was the only person who.
He's a bad person.
When you don't have anyone else who believes in you, you have to get what you can from the one person who does, even if they extort people for fun. I guess. I get it. I think.
Chloe gave me a dictionary about that stuff. I like to confirm that it's correct. Thank you, though. It's good to know Korra and I aren't the only ones having to learn it.
no subject
Probably literally, but that's beside the point.
It somehow feels completely unsurprising that this guy had that sort of experience. Eddie's come to figure out that the easiest people to talk to in this place were other people who had lived through something similar. He doesn't really know what "lightningbend" is but the context doesn't actually matter as to what's being said. He could ask questions later.)
it's exactly like that, yeah. and it's worse when it's a person who is supposed to be helping you like a parent or, in your case, this mentor guy. you want to trust them to help you, and usually when people help people, it's with good intention
but sometimes it's not. some people just like the power trip that comes with helping someone
or feel like it means you're obligated to do something for them in return
even if you didn't ask for their help
and it DOES all get so much worse when they're the ONLY one.
im sorry you understand what that's like. it's fucked up and no one should have to. but also like if you ever wanna talk about it, im always around
lol she would. no problem. yeah, trust me, you're catching up just fine. it's an adjustment period for a LOT of people
no subject
At least he made it very clear that nothing I got from him was free. I don't know what I would've done if I didn't understand that, or if I had to learn it.
[ Ignoring that brief time when Mako did have to learn it. He likes to push that time down, pretend he always knew that the world was out to get him unless he fought back first.
It took a lot of hurt to get that wall up, though, and so Mako doesn't think about all the times when he was 11, 12, and reached his hand out for help only for someone to use it to yank him into something awful.
Maybe he'll think about them one day. ]
Thank you. I don't talk about this stuff very much, but. It helps. To understand where people are coming from. That's tough sometimes. I'm sorry you understand what it's like too, but. You're using that understanding for something good.
no subject
(Granted, Eddie could be weirdly vulnerable in that way too - though he didn't like to admit as much. But he liked to think that his naivety was different than outwardly trusting someone. He banked on the hope of being able to trust someone, not actually trusting them. It was a schematics thing.)
it helps when people are at least blunt i guess
oh
yeah
no problem. maul says i have a habit of dragging this shit out of people so really. it does help a lot though and in this place? you'll want to talk about that stuff and understand it pretty close. this place has a habit of holding everything against you so the better prepared you are for it, the better your chances are of getting out of tough spots
it's fine, man. i mean, thanks, but it's okay.
no subject
You really do. I, uh. Don't know how much there is to talk about but I'll keep that in mind.
[ Read: he will continue to repress his own feelings until they literally show up and bite him in the ass, and then will probably keep doing it after that because it's all he knows! ]