Wu isn't wrong. Mako's been laughing... not at him, exactly, but around him, because of him, a lot since he got here. He hasn't stopped think about why, really, too preoccupied with the blizzards and Korra's disappearance and trying to push through his fever.
It's definitely not how he's changed that's funny, though. ] I don't think it's that.
I don't think it's being a king that's changed you, either. I think it's... taking responsibility. You didn't have to, before. You had people to do that for you. And, you know, people to cook for you and all that stuff, but you decided not to keep letting that happen, and to do it yourself, and that's what started the change. At least, that I noticed.
[ Mako's brows draw together, hard, and he looks away. He has no idea if he's getting his point across and the familiar discomfort, the sense that he isn't, that he's missing something or messing it up again, sparks uncomfortably under his skin. He swallows around it. ]
I'm not laughing at you, though. I promise. Not like you're thinking.
Then why are you laughing? [ Wu asks again, earnestly.
It's not like he's not used to being laughed at. That was part of how he survived, a lot of his life. But Mako laughing at him, when he didn't intend for him to? That's what hurts. ]
I-- yes. I am taking responsibility. I saw what not doing that did, to me, to the Earth Kingdom, and, well, to the whole world. [ He grimaces ] It's because I didn't do anything that Kuvira attacked Republic City. I, that, I realized that. In the past few months. [ And since he's been here. It's not his fault, exactly, but he feels like he could have done more to try and stop it from happening.
But there he goes, getting too serious. And Mako is looking at him with that little crease between his eyebrows, and Wu feels too seen, so he adds: ]
He glances at Mako, then away. ] Okay. I, I suppose I am a little strange.
[ He rubs his hands together, then swings his arms at his sides. ] That, of course. I didn't mean to imply that you would. I just, you were laughing, a lot, and I'm still, still, the whole thing in the car. [ Wow he's not making any sense now either, but he still feels weird, weird about himself, weird about Mako, weird about being here. ]
[ Mako's turn to completely not expect that turn in conversation. He blinks, staring at Wu in complete silence for a second. ] You. What? The thing in the car? What does that have to do with any of this?
I'm still a bit shaken from it. [ Wu admits it softly ] I don't know, Mako. I, I've spent the last few days thinking about that, about this world, about, about myself. I'm a little on edge. I thought coming over here and being, being normal would be helpful, but clearly it's just making this worse. I, maybe I should go.
Okay. [ Wu sighs softly, and leans back on the kitchen island across from Mako. ] If you're sure.
[ He glances at Mako, to check, then nods. ] I... I think I said, it would make sense, if these... these things we have to experience, if they're personal, or else why would we be the ones to experience them?
[ Something like fear bolts coldly through Mako. He straightens up despite himself, his face falling into something very purposefully impassive.
Wu had said something like that. Mako didn't want to think about it, didn't want to rehash the conversation Lysithea so aptly described as dramatic nonsense. What good would it do? He couldn't possibly have meant those things because he and Wu have never been on a date, aren't even remotely like that.
But Wu's also not wrong. Mako's been shoving all his thoughts about it away, trying not to think about David or his conversation with Korra or any of the confusing uncertain things swirling inside him. It's too much to think about, and he has other things to focus on.
His voice isn't quite as level as he'd like it to be when he finally says something. ] Yeah, you did say that.
[ Wu nods, not really sensing any of Mako's emotions because he's so wrapped up in his own. ] Yeah. So I was thinking about that, about why we, why I, would see that. And you, you also know that back home, it's not really okay, two men being together. Or two women. Korra and Asami aside, I'm not sure that I know anyone, like... that. Gay, I read. That's what they call it here.
[ Here it comes. Wu sucks in a breath, his eyes somewhere near Mako's feet. His lips quirk a little, seeing that there's still egg on his foot. ] And, well. I think it was trying to get me to think about it. To really think about it. I, I've always liked men. I just wasn't allowed to. Am not allowed to.
It takes a moment for Wu's words to settle in, for Mako to really pick out what he's saying amid all of that, but when they do it's like something slotting into place, or coming into focus. Something about Wu that he hadn't understood, and that now he does. He thinks about Wu's thin arms wrapped around himself in the gym at the Sato estate, the discomfort with the whole conversation. About everything Wu's told him about growing up in Ba Sing Se: parties and quiet and expectations, everyone looking at him as a prince with a life planned out for him already. No space, probably, to be himself.
Something in Mako twists at the idea. He frowns softly. ] Have you, uh. Is that something you thought about? At home?
Sort of. [ Wu lets out a breath. Just saying it out loud is freeing.
He looks back at Mako, feeling a little braver now. Everything he's been thinking for the last two days starts spilling out all at once ] I, I guess I tried to stop myself, from thinking about it. Auntie would have thrown a fit, or thrown me in prison, or something, if I'd been caught. I almost was, once, and I was terrified, so I just. Never tried again.
Korra and Asami, they're, they're amazing. They're so brave. I know Korra is the Avatar, but even still. I'm a King, and I'm not that brave. I don't think I ever will be, at home, unless things change.
But here? I... I suppose it could be different here. Here doesn't matter for the me at home, right? At least, that's what I've been told. And if no one here has issues with it-- [ Like Mako could.
Wu's eyes go wide and he stares at Mako, words suddenly stuck in his throat. ]
Trying not to think about it, trying to pretend it's nothing, not worth thinking about, because it's too much and too heavy and it would change too many things.
Well. It doesn't really change anything about Wu. He looks nervous, fidgety after that waterfall, and Mako realizes all at once that Wu is watching him and waiting for him to do something, to say something. ]
No, you're right. Here is—like I said. There are plenty of people here who are... gay. Or, there's another word, I don't remember what it was. For people like Korra, who like both men and women.
[ Like him, a tiny voice says, but Mako shoves it down hard. This is about Wu. Not him. He tried that, he was wrong.
But it sounds like Wu is not that. ] You were almost caught?
[ That doesn't exactly say that Mako is among the people who don't mind, but also it doesn't say that he's not.
Wu chooses to believe that he is. If he's not, then... well, they can deal with that later. After. ] Yes... like Chuck. He seems to love his partner very much.
Ah, yes. When I was in University. There was this boy, and we would, well. We liked each other. And we were together, one day, after class, when the Dai Li nearly caught us. Luckily, we were able to play it off as doing classwork, but I-- broke it off. After that.
[ Together, he says, and Mako doesn't know why that makes him frown so hard except maybe that he hates that Wu had to get caught in the first place, that the Dai Li really did seem to follow him everywhere.
But he realizes Wu might misinterpret his frown so he shakes it off, his eyes narrowed. ] The Dai Li really are terrible.
[ What did Wu and this boy do, Mako wonders before he can quite stop himself. Is it different? He knows how to kiss girls, he knows a little bit more than that, really, but he doesn't know—he doesn't know. For a moment he wondered, with David, but then the whole thing made him feel so exposed, like anyone could find out.
Maybe that's how Wu felt the whole time. Mako swallows. ] But they aren't. You know. Here, so. You shouldn't worry about that. If you want to... uh.
They are. [ He wants to ask, about that frown, about the expression on Mako's face, the tension in his voice, but. He's not sure how to. ]
I, I'm realizing that. I'd just, um. Have to find someone. Who wants to be with me. [ He laughs a little. It's not like someone liking him is too farfetched, but sometimes it feels that way. ]
Which is kind of a risk, here. Anyone could disappear. I... know someone, her girlfriend just. Disappeared. Showed back up, forgot everything about her.
[ He feels terrible, still, for Chloe. For the pain in her face, for how much she's gone through. ]
It doesn't seem worth it, to me. But you don't have to hide it, at least. No Dai Li, no great-aunt.
Oh. That's awful. [ Wu's face falls too. He can't even imagine that. ] I-- I suppose I'll just see what happens. Maybe I won't meet anyone who I'm interested in.
And that, that could happen, if you dated, here, too.
[ Some—not all, but some—of Mako's tension eases away a little bit, and he relaxes back against the counter with a tentative smile. ] Did I actually help?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Why is it funny to him?
Wu isn't wrong. Mako's been laughing... not at him, exactly, but around him, because of him, a lot since he got here. He hasn't stopped think about why, really, too preoccupied with the blizzards and Korra's disappearance and trying to push through his fever.
It's definitely not how he's changed that's funny, though. ] I don't think it's that.
I don't think it's being a king that's changed you, either. I think it's... taking responsibility. You didn't have to, before. You had people to do that for you. And, you know, people to cook for you and all that stuff, but you decided not to keep letting that happen, and to do it yourself, and that's what started the change. At least, that I noticed.
[ Mako's brows draw together, hard, and he looks away. He has no idea if he's getting his point across and the familiar discomfort, the sense that he isn't, that he's missing something or messing it up again, sparks uncomfortably under his skin. He swallows around it. ]
I'm not laughing at you, though. I promise. Not like you're thinking.
no subject
It's not like he's not used to being laughed at. That was part of how he survived, a lot of his life. But Mako laughing at him, when he didn't intend for him to? That's what hurts. ]
I-- yes. I am taking responsibility. I saw what not doing that did, to me, to the Earth Kingdom, and, well, to the whole world. [ He grimaces ] It's because I didn't do anything that Kuvira attacked Republic City. I, that, I realized that. In the past few months. [ And since he's been here. It's not his fault, exactly, but he feels like he could have done more to try and stop it from happening.
But there he goes, getting too serious. And Mako is looking at him with that little crease between his eyebrows, and Wu feels too seen, so he adds: ]
But I still didn't cook for myself.
no subject
[ Mako's voice is dry. He doesn't believe that it's Wu's fault in the slightest. ] But I get your point.
I, uh. I guess I'm laughing because I think you're funny.
no subject
Somehow, that wasn't in the realm of possibility of what he thought Mako would say. ] Oh, uh...
That's good.
Then.
[ Why does that make him feel more awkward? His face feels hot and he can't look at Mako, eyes listing to the left of him, at the giant kitchen.
He can't quite help himself from asking: ] Like, funny like "hah-hah" or funny like "what a strange person" funny?
no subject
Kind of both.
Not—before you take it wrong, I think laughing at people to, I don't know, make them feel bad is the worst. I wouldn't do that.
no subject
He glances at Mako, then away. ] Okay. I, I suppose I am a little strange.
[ He rubs his hands together, then swings his arms at his sides. ] That, of course. I didn't mean to imply that you would. I just, you were laughing, a lot, and I'm still, still, the whole thing in the car. [ Wow he's not making any sense now either, but he still feels weird, weird about himself, weird about Mako, weird about being here. ]
no subject
no subject
no subject
[ Mako's voice is quiet. He lets himself lean back against the counter, pushes back the other egg, finally, so it won't fall too. ]
What'd you tell me when I died, exactly? That talking about it would help?
Take your own advice. Talk about it.
no subject
Wu finally looks at him again, considering ] You didn't want to talk about it.
no subject
[ Oops, he didn't quite mean to snap like that, drops his hands again a second later with a huff. ]
I was trying to get us home in one piece. It wasn't exactly the time to. I don't know. Figure all of that stuff out.
[ Mako, you are not helping. He sucks in a deflated sort of breath, finally looks up at Wu. ]
But. I'll listen. If you need to talk about it.
no subject
[ He glances at Mako, to check, then nods. ] I... I think I said, it would make sense, if these... these things we have to experience, if they're personal, or else why would we be the ones to experience them?
no subject
Wu had said something like that. Mako didn't want to think about it, didn't want to rehash the conversation Lysithea so aptly described as dramatic nonsense. What good would it do? He couldn't possibly have meant those things because he and Wu have never been on a date, aren't even remotely like that.
But Wu's also not wrong. Mako's been shoving all his thoughts about it away, trying not to think about David or his conversation with Korra or any of the confusing uncertain things swirling inside him. It's too much to think about, and he has other things to focus on.
His voice isn't quite as level as he'd like it to be when he finally says something. ] Yeah, you did say that.
no subject
[ Here it comes. Wu sucks in a breath, his eyes somewhere near Mako's feet. His lips quirk a little, seeing that there's still egg on his foot. ] And, well. I think it was trying to get me to think about it. To really think about it. I, I've always liked men. I just wasn't allowed to. Am not allowed to.
no subject
Somehow, Mako isn't surprised.
Isn't as surprised as he should be, maybe.
It takes a moment for Wu's words to settle in, for Mako to really pick out what he's saying amid all of that, but when they do it's like something slotting into place, or coming into focus. Something about Wu that he hadn't understood, and that now he does. He thinks about Wu's thin arms wrapped around himself in the gym at the Sato estate, the discomfort with the whole conversation. About everything Wu's told him about growing up in Ba Sing Se: parties and quiet and expectations, everyone looking at him as a prince with a life planned out for him already. No space, probably, to be himself.
Something in Mako twists at the idea. He frowns softly. ] Have you, uh. Is that something you thought about? At home?
no subject
He looks back at Mako, feeling a little braver now. Everything he's been thinking for the last two days starts spilling out all at once ] I, I guess I tried to stop myself, from thinking about it. Auntie would have thrown a fit, or thrown me in prison, or something, if I'd been caught. I almost was, once, and I was terrified, so I just. Never tried again.
Korra and Asami, they're, they're amazing. They're so brave. I know Korra is the Avatar, but even still. I'm a King, and I'm not that brave. I don't think I ever will be, at home, unless things change.
But here? I... I suppose it could be different here. Here doesn't matter for the me at home, right? At least, that's what I've been told. And if no one here has issues with it-- [ Like Mako could.
Wu's eyes go wide and he stares at Mako, words suddenly stuck in his throat. ]
no subject
Trying not to think about it, trying to pretend it's nothing, not worth thinking about, because it's too much and too heavy and it would change too many things.
Well. It doesn't really change anything about Wu. He looks nervous, fidgety after that waterfall, and Mako realizes all at once that Wu is watching him and waiting for him to do something, to say something. ]
No, you're right. Here is—like I said. There are plenty of people here who are... gay. Or, there's another word, I don't remember what it was. For people like Korra, who like both men and women.
[ Like him, a tiny voice says, but Mako shoves it down hard. This is about Wu. Not him. He tried that, he was wrong.
But it sounds like Wu is not that. ] You were almost caught?
no subject
Wu chooses to believe that he is. If he's not, then... well, they can deal with that later. After. ] Yes... like Chuck. He seems to love his partner very much.
Ah, yes. When I was in University. There was this boy, and we would, well. We liked each other. And we were together, one day, after class, when the Dai Li nearly caught us. Luckily, we were able to play it off as doing classwork, but I-- broke it off. After that.
no subject
But he realizes Wu might misinterpret his frown so he shakes it off, his eyes narrowed. ] The Dai Li really are terrible.
[ What did Wu and this boy do, Mako wonders before he can quite stop himself. Is it different? He knows how to kiss girls, he knows a little bit more than that, really, but he doesn't know—he doesn't know. For a moment he wondered, with David, but then the whole thing made him feel so exposed, like anyone could find out.
Maybe that's how Wu felt the whole time. Mako swallows. ] But they aren't. You know. Here, so. You shouldn't worry about that. If you want to... uh.
no subject
I, I'm realizing that. I'd just, um. Have to find someone. Who wants to be with me. [ He laughs a little. It's not like someone liking him is too farfetched, but sometimes it feels that way. ]
no subject
[ He feels terrible, still, for Chloe. For the pain in her face, for how much she's gone through. ]
It doesn't seem worth it, to me. But you don't have to hide it, at least. No Dai Li, no great-aunt.
no subject
And that, that could happen, if you dated, here, too.
no subject
[ Especially not after David. Mako is now completely convinced it's a terrible idea, and a distraction he doesn't need. ] It's not worth it. To me.
no subject
I, thanks, Mako.
no subject
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)